Excuse me, but I find it hard to compare to me, stretching from Spain to Warsaw, I had the greatest Empire since Trajan. No other Emperor has been chosen by his people, no other Emperor has consistently defeated the enemy. I bet you couldn't even lead an army of children let alone the best army the world has ever seen. My men could have conquered Hell if I commanded them to do so, and they would have followed me to it.

Have you even commanded so much as a battalion of men that wasn't in your cushy palace?

You villain! I think you will find, sir, that the empire of the Achaemenids stretched across more land than your feeble domain, encompassing indeed the entire known world, with just a few fringe regions persisting in the lie that the Great King was not their King. My lord and cousin Xerxes was well on his way to conquering the whole of the Mediterranean, and he would indeed have taken the rest, if not for a few minor setbacks in the lands of the Yauna that compelled him to focus his unlimited resources elsewhere.

"Emperor of the Romans..." No one thinks you're worth the attention, the time, a vote, a place in society, or even the light of day. Beware Ides of March, dictator. Long live the Republic!

Scoffs HA!

Emperor? I see little more than an herd of sheep scared of the wolves outside it's borders.

As great Khan of the Mongols, first of the Sky father, uniter of the plains, and scourge of the Chin and the Mouslem Sultanate. I and my brothers, my son's, and Grandsons will conquer your pathetic fields of plenty. Your people are weak from the easy life and easy ground compared to the rough and strong men of the plains.

No man can match us in the saddle, nor bow, nor in the charge. No Emperor is as strong or quick as me. You think because Justin was a peasant he is more worthy? My wolves betrayed and abandoned me, my family nearly starved alone in the wilderness, yet I brought the tribes together and smashed all who stood in my way. Not even assassins could kill me!

You believe you Romans conquered people? They adopted your washed and perfumed ways and silly customs, you built them roads and cities and bribed them. You let them be your generals and act as your armies. But they were never conquered. You sat surrounded by marble and divided among yourselves, each general no more loyal to himself.

We had no use for gold within the gers. No man questions me as Khan, none would challenge me. We Mongols burned those cities we found, killed millions, defeated armies twice our size. Conquered more land than you Romans could walk across in your lifetime. You could walk across my empire with a cart full of gold and no man would trouble you such is my wrath and my word is law.

Greatest Emperor? HA! That is a good one, pass me another skin of Airag.

oh Justinian, your greatness was but a pale shadow of mine, and did you not build upon my foundation? Was it not I that established the Empire as truly God's? Did I not drive forth the Arian heretics, and all the rest, and establish true piety and divine truth? Did I not rule a truly great empire, and bequeath it even in death to my two good sons?

You call yourself emperor of Rome? What does the lovely populus think of that I wonder, but for sure, no one can doubt the glory and stability that the empire my husband and I founded for our people. We restored the republic to its old glorydays, we created peace within our borders (can you boast of that, pretentious "emperor"?) and we made sure that every citizen living in Rome were fed. Why should we care about a few stray regions around our sea, when we hold power and prosperity in the regions that matter?
I think this Justinian "the Great" looks suspiciously much like that upstart Mark Anthony, who turned his back towards Rome and threw the republic into the second civil war in my lifetime. Such a man is not great, and I pray that Pluto swiftly take him from the face of this earth.

Hmph. How far the name of the city have fallen, in my days there were many Romans who wished to behave as Greeks, and here there is a Greek who pretends to be Roman!

Uh, you all can promptly step off. You're not even the best Emperor of your own Empire, loser.

You were blessed with Belisarius as a general, not by God. You couldn't even reunite the Monophysites back into the Imperial church. You messed up the wars with Persia and let the war in Italy mean nothing in the end. Go look at Constantine or Trajan or Hadrian, or even Heraclius to see how to properly fight the Persians.

Probably because they didn't have Belisarius to do all of the work for them, sir.

My dear friend Justinian -- can I call you friend? --, fellow emperor, let us not indulge in petty contests that befits the middling classes, shall we? Just let me tell you that you that I, Wilhelm II, King of Prussia and German Emperor, inherited the most recent empire of all of Europe from my dear grandfather and already it is one of the mightiest! (As it is often the case with inheritances, with it came certain baggage like the meddlesome Chancellor of my granddad -- as a fellow ruler you'll surely sympathize. Well, I have taken care of that!) My people are an industrious and valiant one, worthy descendants of the proud tribes that once defeated your very own and -- I'm sure you will agree -- proved formidable adversaries to your armies in the west. But let us not speak of what ancestry separates us! United we are not only in rulership: I'll let you know that my very own sister married a Greek. (That's like close to you or is it? Anyhow, some of my best friends are Greeks or Roman-Greeks, Rhōmaîoi, or whatever.)

It pleases me to stand in such venerable company, next to the emperors of old, equals on our thrones -- surely, I can call you equal? --, united by the burden of rulership. We should get together sometimes and talk about warships!

Yours sincerely,

Willi

Lol, get out of here upstart.

Blessed by god? Well maybe if your god is Iustinia Pestis perhaps. Since you have no real god anyway.

Perhaps that is why Ahura Mazda, simply shaking the earth struck down your pompous church and opened the gates of Alexandria Antioch to me?

Rome? Pah! You cling to the name of a City in ruin. You let a farmer's boy and a prostitute (who either can't even do her job or else is as fertile as the Syrian desert) play at being Kings.

No wonder you can't even settle a simple semantic argument in your false church. No wonder you left a treasury as empty as your wife's womb.

Now pay me another thousand pounds of gold or I'll bitch-slap you some more. I hear the water in the Mediterranean is quite nice this time of year anyway.

Darling. When you're done tooting your own horn on the forum can you tell Narses to pick me up those nice blue Nike sneakers I ordered at that shop near the stadium. Tell him to bring a big bag of gold.

Justinian? I uh, I have some bad news about Constantinople...

Glory to the Emperor! Just, Righteous and Brave.

There are none who can outshine you!

^^^^You ^^^^demon ^^^^motherfucker