Listen up. I’ve got a lot of problems with you people and now you’re going to hear about it. We did not invite you all here today to listen to your out of tune, out of breath, low-effort postings. I did not sign on to this opera season with the expectation that I’d have to hire my own claque just to drown you all out. I could be home in my dukedom right now, listening to the sweet clinky sounds of my fingers running through my piles of gold ducats, but instead I find myself babysitting you people.
I want good breath support, I want you to have your music memorized, and I want you to sing longer, harder, and overall stop sucking. And remember everyone’s pay this season depends on decent ticket sales, so if I don’t get paid what I was contractually promised, I’m taking it right out of your hide.
Srs Mod note: YOU MUST BE THIS TALL TO RIDE THE ASKHISTORIANS ANNUAL ROLLERCOASTER. Everyone is welcome to play along today with the historic figure theme, but we still expect a decent effort of posting. Historically authentic. Longer multi-sentence posts, I mean put your back into it. Sources are highly encouraged! Footnotes are chic for spring! And remember, we’re still deleting with our usual verve.
I am disappointed, but not surprised, that an aristocratic enemy of the people is imposing arbitrary bourgeois standards of evidence on the efforts of proletarians to participate in current events here. This is an obvious attempt by class enemies to destroy popular participation in the events of the day and will not be tolerated.
Be aware that the poor of the Earth can rise up and fight against your tyranny though it may cost them dearly and take years for us to triumph. Venceremos.
As our National Hero, Marti, once wrote in his work Simple Verses:
With the poor of the Earth/ do I cast my lot/ The streams of the mountains/ Please me more than the sea
Do not throw me away, into the dark/ To die like a traitor/ I wish to die in my Cuba/ With my face to the Sun.
LONGER POSTS!? DO YOU HOLD ME FOR SOME LONG-WINDED ATHENIAN, CHATTERING ENDLESSLY AND POINTLESSLY? UNLIKE YOU, I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH THE SOUND OF MY OWN VOICE!
What kind of future must await us, where even commoners see fit to lecture their rightful, and duly elected lords?
Bless you, mods
Truly this Caffarelli speaks wisdom, although his voice and visage are strange and unfamiliar to Us. All orders of mankind should know their place. As God rules over all of creation, kings rule over their realms and the scholars in this house of learning rule over their books. To question the established order of things is to question the will of God himself, whose vengeance will be carried with fire and sword by the pious.
I want to thank /u/caffarelli for making this post, as it's an important reminder of what we must do to ensure that our most valued traditions and way of life at /r/AskHistorians continues for generations to come.
Every gun joke that is made, every warship post launched, every rocket fired answer without sources signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger without knowledge and are not fed taught, those who are cold ignorant and are not learned clothed.
I love this sub's mods. You never sleep, even on April 1st.
Caffarelli, my heart is torn as to whether I am more moved by your divine voice, or the music written for you. You are truly one of the finest...of your generation. As one who has had to rely upon kindly grandmothers and aunties to hear accounts of your finest performances, I have the utmost respect for you.
Now I am curious who among the...fresher talents of this age you consider worthy of notice. Pacchierotti? Aprile? Milico? Crescentini? There is one rising star I rather favor, Luigi Marchesi, perhaps I can persuade him to audition for you, I do not think you will be disappointed, his enunciation, bold soaring voice ought to fully meet your demands, indeed many say his style and temperament rather remind them of you--in your prime.
Again, with the utmost respect for my elders, I remain,
--An Anonymous Lady of Music
I've guessing historical figures don't accept Wikipedia as a reliable source of information.