Don't worry, you have me, Alcetas, Attalus, and Polemon to help you out. Obviously we should wait until Roxana gives birth so we can be sure whose going to be king and totally not use the intervening time to build a power base in order to grab the empire for ourselves, that would be wrong. Also, Ptolemy's probably going to ask for something big in the partition, maybe even Egypt. If you give it to him then that should shut him up for awhile. Maybe put someone reliable over the border in Syria to keep him contained. Laomodon seems like a good choice.

I've also heard rumblings among those filthy peasants in the infantry. They seem to want that half-witted idiot Philip as king! Something about "loyalty to the Argead house" or something. I know he's a half brother of Alexander but come on! Anyway, we should buy them off. We'll say he'll be king with you as regent but if Roxana's child is a boy, then we'll have a joint kingship under a Perdiccas regency. That would be great for totally not orchestrating an empire wide power play. Oh and the infantry leader Meleager is probably going to want a cushy job. Give it to him, wait a little while, have him quietly crushed by an elephant, and then replace him. I know you said you're worried about Seleucus but I think he's a good bet. After all he was in the boat with you at the Hydaspes and seemed totally cool.

Now I know you plan to marry Antipater's daughter Nicaea in order to preserve unity between Asia and Europe and that's fine. But just remember that Alexander's sister Cleopatra is single and is definitely looking for a husband. Maybe consider that as an option. It would be a huge ego boost for you to marry into the family of the great Alexander. Now Eumenes will tell you that this is a bad idea and that everyone will view it as a power grab. But, as I've said, we're definitely not planning one so I see no reason to worry. Plus, I hear Leonnatus is entertaining ideas in that direction so you might as well go for it before he does.

Oh and a word about Eumenes. I've been talking to some of the generals and they seem determined to make sure he gets the shit-show known as Cappadocia. I know it sounds crazy to give a secretary an important military command in an unconquered province but I think it could work out. Antigonus isn't going to lift a finger to help him so that means you could sweep in with the imperial army and do the job yourself. It would be a great PR coup and would give you a chance to arrest the one-eyed fool for insubordination. Think about it.

One last thing. Be careful with Alexander's funeral arrangements. I realize you've already put Arrhidaeus in charge of this but keep an eye on him. He's been getting mighty friendly with Ptolemy lately and it's rubbing me the wrong way. Just keep that in the back of your head.

I'm sure it's all going to work out fine.

1. Appease the priests. You aren't going nowhere without Amun-Ra behind you.

2. Make offerings to the Gods, I get the vibe you are a bit of a Horus person, so go with that.

3. Kill all the rebels in the flashiest way possible. Tying their king to the front of a ship is a fun one, Thutmoses did that to the Nubians a while back.

4. Build statues. lots of statues. Big ones, huge ones. Ones with crowns, ones with Gods next to you. Standing ones, sitting ones. Variety is best really.

5. Keep an eye out for the Hittites, those sneaky bastards will go after you first chance they get.