London, 1811
“I’ve caught you, you rascal! You’ve been cheating this whole night, haven’t you!” Capt. AnnalsPornographie yelled out. This was it. He’d been playing cards for hours now and borrowing more money to cover his bets, but only sinking deeper. But now he had it. He’d seen the dealer slip the Major a card two hands in a row. No wonder he was 1,500 pounds in the hole to him. “This whole game is a sham, I demand my money back!”
“CHEAT?, DEMAND? Who the fuck do you think you are?” the Major drunkenly bellowed back. “I’ve played an honest game this whole night, and you’re in no place to make any demands of me. The only mistake I seem to have made is to play with an upstart Irish whoreson. You might have been allowed in the King’s army, but you still stink of the bitch that welped you.”
AnnalsPornographie lunged over the table, fists balled up. Ungentlemanly, and unofficerly, but in the moment he didn’t care. He was only prevented by two other officers at the table grabbing and restraining him. ^1
The Major laughed at him, “Going to hit me, you Irish dog? You can dress an Irishman up, but you can’t teach them manners. I ought to cane you here and now you impudent puppy, but you’re an officer in name, even if you don’t deserve it. My card, I expect to hear from your friend shortly so that I can be properly satisfied.” ^2
“God, a duel! I can’t go through with this!” AnnalsPornographie paced back and forth, rambling away to Capt. G____,^3 his closest friend in the Regiment. “But what choice do I have? If I refuse, I’m ruined, and regardless, I can’t afford to pay the £1,500 to the house anyways. I need to prove he cheated. With my other debts, I could barely cover matters even selling off my commission.”
G___, having Seconded several duels by now, tried to calm AnnalsPornographie down and be authoritative. “It won’t come to that. I’ll speak to his man tomorrow, and I’m sure we can find some accord. You apologize for your accusation, and he apologizes for insults, and we agree to blame it all on the dealer just trying to cause trouble. You return, cane him, and they will have no choice but to forgive the debt. It would be your gentlemanly word against his.” ^4
G___ arrived early to see the Major.^5 He was received politely, but after the formalities, the Major left, and his Second, Capt. L____ was left alone to discuss the matter.
“Capt. AnnalsPornographie is quite happy to place this up to a misunderstanding” G___ began.
“So your man is ready to apologize for the heinous accusation then?” L___ replied. “The Major of course takes such an assault on his honor quite seriously.”
“As he should. We’re prepared to sign a statement absolving the Major of any knowledge of what had happened. We will withdraw the accusation of cheating, and agree that it was entirely the dealer, messing with the deal for his desire to cause trouble.”
“You call that agreeable? You still insist that the Major profited from this, and that his winnings are ill-gotten. You trade one insult for another. I’m duty bound to protect his honor to the utmost here, and no apology will be accepted that allows any mark to remain. And of course, as the first insulted, we simply can not agree to withdraw any retort until it is first retracted.”^6
“Well, this is quite unfortunate. I had hoped to avoid my man having grass before breakfast,^7 but it seems there is no alternative but to arrange an interview.”
“Yes. The Major must return to his Regiment to depart overseas within a week, so I apologize for the haste, but it must be scheduled shortly. Does three days hence work for you?”
It was an anxious few days that pass for AnnalsPornographie after G____ returned with the bad news. He could barely sleep the first night, and a few hours the second. A duel…. He’d known others who’d dueled, including some of his family - an Uncle had died that way - but for some reason he never thought he might find himself in one, whatever the reputation of the Irish might be. It was now less than 8 hours away, and he was staring at his half-finished letter. Writing out his will was easy, how could he explain to his fiancee, write what might be the final good-bye? He’d seen her only the day before, and she knew something was wrong, but didn’t press him. He knew she wouldn’t understand, and it wasn’t proper to tell her anyways.
It wasn’t like he understood really himself though. Dueling was what gentlemen did. And he was proving he was a gentleman because he was fighting a duel. He would love nothing more than to just ignore the whole thing, but where would that leave him? £1,500 in debt, and likely abandoned by society when the Major blustered of his cowardice through every club in the city. The only reason he wouldn’t be cashiered in shame is because he already would have had to sell the Commission. Even if Jane tried to stand by him, he doubted she would for long. The prospect of marriage to him was already marginal - a Captain with barely the funds to maintain his current lifestyle, let alone ever hope of purchasing a Major’s rank - so she’d soon come to her senses and call it off when he was nothing more than a broke Irishman without rank or title, and unfit to associate with anyone calling himself “gentleman”.
No, he had to go through with it. There was no other choice that he could make. He had to face it properly, as expected of him as both an Officer and a Gentleman. He returned to scribbling out the letter, only to make several more attempts before being begrudgingly satisfied. It did a poor job of explanation, and a poorer job explaining his feelings for her, but hopefully it would never need to be read. It was passed midnight by then, and it seemed he had only been lying down a minute or two when G____ came to wake him.