My daughter came home yesterday eager to tell me the 'true story of valentine's day' that she learned in grade 2. She explained that saint valentine was a real person who was martyred by the Roman emperor for marrying Christians, which was against the law. That didn't sound right at all so I went hunting on the internet, but all the sources that described this story that I could find were explicitly Christian, and referred to emperor Claudius - which doesn't make any sense to me.
Is this simply a myth, or is there something to this story, perhaps garbled?
Follow-up question that you're probably sick of hearing by now: how did saint valentine come to be associated with courtly love?
Claudius granted soldiers - primarily auxiliaries and legionnaires - the rights of married men in the year 44. It has been suggested that, under Roman law, at least since the time of Augustus, a soldier of these classes was not permitted to have wives or to marry while on active duty. This prohibition was de jure, and did not affect soldiers who have left the service. It may or may not have applied to centurions, since we have evidence from altar and tomb inscriptions that referred to their wives and families.
The law is thought to have been instituted by the emperor Augustus, and lifted by the emperor Septimius Severus, between which passed more than two hundred years. But it may not have been very effective in a de facto sense, since archaeological evidence - such as from the Roman barracks at Vindolanda, in the late first century - indicates that women and children were regularly present in the fort. Of course, they could have been from marriages instituted before the soldier entered service, or have not been official. Nonetheless, it illustrates that we should not accept the claim that Roman soldiers were not romantically involved while on active duty.
With respect to Saint Valentine and the source of Valentine's Day, that question is a bit more complicated, as you might expect. It is generally accepted that the association of Saint Valentine with romantic love was the product of Chaucer's 14th century poetry. Before then, Saint Valentine's day's purpose was to remember the martyrdom of Saint Valentinus, a priest of Rome around whom many legends were told. But none of these legends were of a romantic nature.
Regardless, the first poem from Chaucer to mention Saint Valentine's day, clearly exhibits the association with romantic love:
"For this was on St. Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate."
This was written to honor the first anniversary of Richard II to the Bohemian princess, Anne, and that may also have contributed to the association of Saint Valentine's day with human romantic love. Its tradition was carried on by later writers, and became especially popular in 18th century England, around which time Valentine's Day became a matter of custom.
Sources:
Brian Campbell "The Marriage of Soldiers Under the Empire" (1978)
Alexander Kyrychenko The Roman Army and the Expansion of the Gospel (2014)
Christopher J. Fuhrmann Policing the Roman Empire (2011)
Jack B. Oruch "St. Valentine, Chaucer, and Spring in February" (1981)
Henry Ansgar Kelly "Chaucer and the Cult of Saint Valentine" (1986)