I'm British. It seems like good fortune that I've had the opportunity to travel the world for nearly 3 years now - but the more countries I visit the more I wonder whether it is in fact not so much good fortune, but instead the sobering result of colonialism's brute and overwhelming violence. Can I really be happy about the historical reasons my passport is so influential?

Last week I visited the museum of Kunming, the capital of China's Yunnan province. It mostly displayed pottery and hand fans, but in the final section I was surprised to see a huge curation of WWII artefacts. For those who, like me, were unaware of Kunming's involvement in WWII, it was because America funded 3 air squadrons, some 60 aircraft, in defence against the Japanese. Since then I've been reading up on Japan's motivations for its involvement in the war. So far, to my mind, the basic fact comes down to colonialism. Japan felt themselves worthy competitors to the other great world powers, world powers that attained and sustained their power with resources far beyond the borders of their homelands. So to compete Japan needed to do the same, thus leading to Japan's and then America's presence in Kunming.

To me, the prevailing narrative of my country's history of colonialism does indeed express a measure of regret, but that is eclipsed by the narratives of the atrocities committed by the "other sides". It would seem that, on balance, Britain has done more harm than good in the world. Prevailing, indeed indelibly ingrained, in my mind are the evils of the Axis. It is not knowledge that I accidently came across and then followed up on by my own accord. Instead it was a fundamental part of my state education. Not only did I learn objective historical facts, but also the appropriate decorum one should have towards the gravity of such serious events.

One of the most striking things I've found about being in China is that it is one of the most foreign countries I've yet visited. By which I don't just mean the language and culture, but perhaps more so China's unparalleled ability to stave off Western influence. Just take the lack of Google and Facebook for example. For sure there is an exciting sense of exoticism visiting other Eastern and Pacific countries, but in actual fact, they are all fundamentally shaped --through either colonialism or brute force-- by European (assuming America is also an offshoot of European culture) influence. Not to even mention the histories of Africa and South America.

So here I am, ingrained with the ability to recognise and judge the gravitas of atrocity, such that the more I see of the world the more I want to apply that same, if not deeper, severity of judgement to the "victors" and therefore to my own heritage and even my current identity. I know it's a difficult thing for me to do, to somehow direct that gravitas I learned at school towards my own makeup, so I'm sure it must be hard for others to do. Of course I know that adage that history is written by the victors. But I also know about the rigorous discipline of academic study (I have a Religious Studies degree (very different from Theology BTW)), that academia prides itself on self-awareness, that it can see through to the facts, regardless of personal bias. Yet I'm not aware of there being a significant conversation, academic or otherwise, that directs an appropriate seriousness to the history of European colonialism.

Is there some truth to what I've written? Or is my perspective too narrowed on recent history? Does any of what I've said make you think of writers or topics that might interest me?

But mostly, thanks for the opportunity to organise my thoughts here. I hope it is in some way relevant to this subreddit.

Edit: a couple of little missing words