It seems to me there are two camps: 1) Thomas Jefferson merely considered Sally his property and he was her rapist, and 2) Thomas Jefferson was in love with Sally and kept the affair secret because society would not be accept it. What's the most likely answer? Was it something in between?
Additionally, there has been outright rejection of any relationship between them. But for the purpose of my question, lets assume it existed.
Apologies in advance if this is an insensitive question. My parents are different races and interracial relationships in history fascinate me.
The best answer is all of the above and none of the above.
It's necessary to first consider the nature of chattel slavery - enslaved people could not, by nature of the institution, consent to what happened to them as they were literal property. Personal interactions between a slave owner and an enslaved person were secondary to that. Jefferson owned Sally Hemings, which means any relationship between them was first and foremost about slave owner and enslaved person. As she left no record of her thoughts, feelings, or emotions, it is impossible to know if Sally was a willing partner in the interactions that resulted in seven children. Likewise, there are no declarations of sentiment from Jefferson about his feelings for Sally.
Jefferson, like all human beings, was complex. He wrote about his mixed feelings on slavery but actively benefited from forced labor his entire life. He reportedly denied fathering her children in at least one letter but freed them in his will. Even if he had kind and tender feelings for Sally, she remained his slave until her death. He was a brilliant man who capitalized on the value of buying and selling human beings.
So, with regards to the nature of the relationship, it's best described as a slave owner and a enslaved person who had seven children together, four of whom survived to adulthood.
Resources: Monticello, Jefferson's plantation, has a detailed timeline and collection of documents related to her.
Annette Gordan-Reed on the matter of love between Jefferson and Hemings