Recently I was chatting with my sister-in-law about her wedding last spring. She mentioned how her parents dancing at the wedding might’ve been the first time they’ve ever danced together. I questioned if she thought they had a first dance at their wedding. Her answer was that she didn’t think that Jews in South Africa in the 80s did a first dance at their wedding.
This kind of shell shocked me. Obviously different cultures have very different procedures for weddings- but I had always thought that the first dance between a couple would be special in any culture.
Where does the American idea of the First Dance come from? Do other cultures have something similar that happens between a couple when they come together for the first time after the marriage ceremony?
I don't have a complete answer for you, but the current performative first dance is a relatively new tradition of American and European weddings. It is certainly not a world-wide tradition in any sense.
European formal balls in the 17th to 19th century had fairly rigid protocols. One of these was that the first dance was led by the guest of honor, usually the person of highest social standing present and often a member of royalty.
This tradition was adopted by Americans at cotillions and other dance parties, likely including any wedding celebration at which there was dancing. As recently as 1922, the first dance was not a performance, but simply the first time the couple danced together as a married couple. Emily Post recommended the couple wait to join the dancing until the after the guests had begun, then dance with one another briefly before moving on to other partners. This occurred as the guests were themselves dancing and was not given particular attention by anyone but the newlyweds themselves. (Emily Post's chapter "The Day of the Wedding" in her book Etiquette, 1922)