The island has a fascinating story, though I'm sure not one that many historians could tell you.

The island is actually originally associated with biblical tales, which is interesting considering its location in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Nevertheless, the island is unmistakably referred to in the Old Testament, specifically Jackson 3:15. It is speculated, for reasons which will become clear, that this is associated with the word "korban", the Hebrew word for "sacrifice".

The island was not always known as "Kiribati", according to the tale. Instead, it was once known as "Chairibati", likely drawn from the root word "Chai", or life. The tale (and archaeological studies have continued to confirm it) describes that Chairibati was so named to signify its importance as a potential location where the Garden of Eden once existed. Some historians have even speculated that this is why Kiribati is on the UTC+14 time zone line (at least in part today, but that is addressed later in this post), as the place where Genesis was once believed to have occurred. A significant number of seekers landed on the island, but due to some unexplained logistical error reminiscent of the Tower of Babel, failed to explore its 313 square miles effectively. Perhaps they were simply stuck there, having expected paradise and not packed for the return trip (side note: always pack for the return trip, people often forget this, but I digress).

At any rate, when the number on the island reached 200,000 in approximately 3439 on the Hebrew calendar, on the 12th of Adar (otherwise known as 321 BCE, though I cannot confirm the date/month because I am sometimes incompetent), the island began to rumble. Suddenly, the tale recounts in Jimbo 9:31, it began to tilt and wholly capsized (side note: some believe this may happen to Guam in the near future).

The island took its sacrifice, shedding the name "Chairibati" and reaching its full potential of "Kiribati".

While this story appears to end there, it is important to note that Kiribati's population today has reached 116,000. However, they are spread across multiple islands. This means Kiribati was once one, and split. It is possible (and widely believed) that this occurred during the capsizing, but there is another theory (though not one that archaeologists are likely to have told you). It appears wholly possible that Kiribati split into smaller groupings because the island's thirst for sacrifice has only grown since 321 BCE, leading it to conclude that it had to adopt "camouflage" of some sort to avoid association with the biblical tale.

Luckily, a brave seafaring explorer established the truth of the matter when he visited Kiribati in 12 AD, managing to wrest its secrets with unparalleled archaeological study of its underbelly.

That explorer? Albert Einstein.

Sources:

• Kiribati: The Story No One Will Tell You by Darth Plagueis

• The Travels and Travails of a Humble Genius by Albert Einstein

• The Old Testament, specifically Jackson through Jimbo

• A Glimpse Into Madness, by the homeless man who lives on my street corner (he's quite nice, self-published and all)