Do you think I wanted any of this!? No! All I wanted was to stay at home and read the Classics, but this stupid war and my stupid loyalty to this stupid dynasty means I've got to spend all my days fighting rebels and dealing with diplomatic incidents and frankly I'm just tired of it all! Who even has time for concubines? Certainly not me!

Twenty years. TWENTY. YEARS. That's how long I've been slaving away on behalf of this dynasty and I can barely get a moment's respite through it all! I have come close to death a dozen times, I've been responsible for an international incident over Christianity (I mean for goodness' sake, was that war all for nothing!?) and now you expect me to keep up with court fads?!

Leave me alone!