I’m trying to understand it from a holistic perspective so I can gauge what it would be like for the average _____ person (soldier, priest, tenant, lord, etc)
The below somewhat narrow for your rather broad brush needs. But the best I have come across for the siege engine side =
' Ancient and Medieval Siege Weapons by Konstantin. S. Nossov'
(in print and readily obtainable via bookshops, Amazon etc. + many libraries).