Let’s focus on two major groups: Romans and early/medieval Europeans, who mostly identified as Catholics.

With regards to the Romans, they were quite carefree with their sexual interactions^(1). Ovid wrote a myriad of erotic poems. For example, consider this excerpt from The Amores, second book, describing French kissing:

…Why did our tongues ever meet? That’s not all I’m alarmed by, either. If this connection makes an intimacy of tongues, what else might not be conjoined? Such kisses could only be learnt in bed. Some maestro has been well paid…^(2)

There is a link between how Romans and early Christians saw kissing^(3). For the Romans, kissing had a spiritual aspect. Take a look at the Roman author Apuleius, whose work The Golden Ass quoted below is the only Roman novel to survive cover to cover^(4):

…When I had finished this prayer to the highest divinity, I embraced the priest Mithras, who was now also a father to me. Clinging to his neck and kissing him many times, I asked his pardon because I was unable to reward him as he deserved for his great favours to me…^(5)

This is a non-sexual kiss. But even when it comes to sexual kisses, the spiritual matters. Let’s read an excerpt from Satyricon, by Petron:

…True, you have a brother, too, for I made bold to inquire, but why should you not take to yourself a sister as well? I will come as the same kind of relation. Deign only to recognize my kiss also when it is your good pleasure…What, she said, you give me the one without whom you cannot live, on whose lips you hang, whom you love as I would have you love me?...^(6)

We see this Roman tradition in full display in early Christians and even Christians today in the West.

Now, you may ask, “Hey, u/Typical-Anxiety, why aren’t you talking about medieval Christians?”

It seems with the coming of the Middle Ages that sexuality is repressed; sexual practices like French kissing disappeared. We even see frowning upon the activity. Let’s take the example of Heinrich Kaufringer, a German fairy tales author circa. 1400. Refer to page 467 of Love, Life, and Lust in Heinrich Kaufringer’s Verse Narratives^(7). I won’t spoil the story, but in one part of it, a priest encourages a knight to bite off the tongue of his wife when Frenching or face execution. This is in stark contrast to Christian attitudes towards sex and kissing during early advent of Christianity.

The driving force for this sexual repression was the Catholic Church. During the mid-1200s, the mess that were Catholic jurisprudence was codified, thanks to clergies like Thomas Aquinas^(8). As a result, it became easier to fuse religious law with politics, facilitating law enforcement of sex.

Unfortunately, this just followed an important shift in the twelfth century. Love was more than ever in the air. Things like kissing and sex became emblematic of love and passion more than customs and offspring. It seems as if the twelfth and thirteen centuries were polar opposites when it came to expression of sexuality^(9).

What about Roman hygiene? The Romans were strict about their self care^(10). In particular, the mouth held a special place, and no doubt the Roman literature and orations speak volumes about that. So, sexual activities that affect mouth smells such as anilingus, cunnilingus, and fellatio were looked down upon. They saw them as activities more appropriately tailored for older men, more of whom suffer from erectile dysfunction. When greeting each other, Romans would kiss, so if you were a Roman back then, you better have some clean lips before you kiss the public or else it would be really embarrassing.

Many Romans preferred to have sex back home. After all, it is easier and more casual. The Roman Empire built a very advanced water distribution system. Sewer systems veined through Roman cities, and aqueducts provided water to public places and private properties. This isn’t to say it was clean—worms were widespread^(11)—but the tools for taking care of one’s self were there. Some bath buildings housed areas specific for sex, so that once the lovebirds copulated, they can jump right into the shower afterwards^(12).

Romans absolutely had fun in bed. Authors like Ovid, Petronius, and Suetonius provide evidence for this. For instance, no one beat Ovid at describing sex positions, and if you want to make sure, take a quick (or long) glance at his work Ars Amatoria, Book III Part XVIII^(13). Ovid gives advice not to rush, and let yourself enjoy the ride as much as the other person (check out Part XIX^(14)). The Hippocratic Corpus, which was like a medicine book, discusses pleasure during sex:

In the case of women, it is my contention that when during intercourse the vagina is rubbed and the womb is disturbed, an irritation is set up in the womb which produces pleasure and heat in the rest of the body. A woman also releases something from her body, sometimes into the womb, which then becomes moist, and sometimes externally as well, if the womb is open wider than normal. Once intercourse has begun, she experiences pleasure throughout the whole time, until the man ejaculates. If her desire for intercourse is excited, she emits before the man, and for the remainder of the time she does not feel pleasure to the same extent; but if she is not in a state of excitement, then her pleasure terminates along with that of the man…. The pleasure experienced by the woman during intercourse is considerably less than the man’s, although it lasts longer. The reason that the man feels more pleasure is that the secretion from the bodily fluid in his case occurs suddenly, and as the result of a more violent disturbance than in the woman’s case.^(15)

(Just an aside: Marie Stopes, a British sex education author, revolutionized sex education, helping to teach women who didn’t even know what sex was^(16). The Romans were miles ahead!)

Medieval Europeans, contrary to popular belief, took serious care of their bodies. A work of literature reveals that when they felt uncomfortably dirty, men and women would take baths in nearby bodies of water^(17). More specifically, on each Saturday, gals were supposed to wash their hair^(18). There were even guides discussing a variety of hygienic behaviors, such as washing one’s hands before and after eating^(19). When the Crusaders returned back home, they brought back with them public bathhouses in which the whole social strata participated^(20). (Interestingly, bathhouses were also headquarters for adultery, as in the setting for the medieval poem The Romance of Flammenca^(21).)

Unfortunately, it isn’t easy to boil down how medieval Europeans saw love into a sentence or two^(22). They had so many different terms, definitions, and contexts for the word. But what is certain is that the discussed it wildly. Fathers of the Catholic Church, the Magna Carta, Beowulf, Judith, De Amore, Livre de Manieres, and The Canterbury Tales are a selection of what discussed love extensively. Stephen Greenblatt has a wonderful article on The New Yorker recounting the wrestles of St. Augustine with his sexuality^(23).