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I'm a current final year undergraduate at an Australian university who is majoring in Modern History. To major in it, you need to complete 8 subjects. I have done 7, and will do the last one in my final semester at university.
Needless to say, the experience has not been positive. Sure- there were problems with bias, poor organisation, bad teachers, nasty behaviour and political slants, but as this subreddit has rules against current politics and soapboxing, I won't go into them. But the main problem was that I never felt I was doing history right. My marks aren't spectacular. I've gotten 50% in essays, and in others, high distinctions. This creates a confusing mentality, and the marker's feedback only goes so far.
I initally majored in modern history because I was passionate, and had brimming questions. Why would a society pick a dictator over the fruits of liberty? Can we compare St. Thomas Aquinas' theory of warfare to modern conflicts and terrorism? Was the Tokyo firebombing in WWII a war crime?
So... I don't have the answers, but I want to. And that requires further inquiry and research. I believe that we should study history, that society is better when we pay attention to the past. You could argue that its a duty. But I don't want to do 'incorrect' history, I don't want to ask 'stupid' questions*. And that's stopping me from asking historical questions that are worth asking.
What has helped ease my tension is bringing in perspectives from other fields, mainly psychology, war studies, literature, statistics and philosophy. For the record: I don't think studying history was a waste of time. I learned the importance of empirical data, and forming arguments. I also realised that I love military and imperial history, and have a developing interest in China & Japan. But I keep thinking that I'm not good enough to not only study those countries, but also form arguments. Because of that, my love of history has dwindled. I'm not borrowing books, watching documentaries or anything like that anymore. And that makes me sad.
So, any advice on how to 'reignite' my love of history? How to gain confidence skills in making historical arguments?
Thank you.
*My 'stupid' questions are called that not because of any 'controversy' they may spark, but because they are about 'minor' things. I find the concept of 'The Doomsday Clock' absolutely fascinating. I'm also drawn to 'speculative history'- what if the French Revolution never happened? Apparently that's a silly question that's not worth asking.
Well, I can't help you with grades, professors, or politics. I can say that none of those questions are silly or stupid.
(Or "small"--my friend, you have clearly not witnessed the genuinely trivial minutiae that academics argue over.)
In fact, it seems like you're interested in a particular type of inquiry--using history to understand other things. That's terrific! What makes a society turn to a dictator? Okay, so you look at multiple case studies from the past and develop a model. Do people today operate under early/medieval ideas of just war? Great; you research up on Augustine, Thomas &c, and then you do a study of interviews with captured terrorists (or some such).
These are completely valid questions and approaches! You're running into the problem, I think, that they are applying history rather than being straightforward investigations limited to history as a subject. Yes, "history" is a subject and a way of thinking; it's not just "the past." ;)
With a lot of the questions you mention, it seems like you'd be really interested in historical case studies/approaches to poli sci and international relations. This is definitely not my area of expertise, but I suspect that some books in that direction will reflect your interests more than just asking "What factors shaped Augustine's ideas on war."
There's also /r/HistoryWhatIf, which you might find fun right away!
And finally--you're in the home stretch of school now, but that doesn't mean things are automatically easy or joyful. It will probably help just being out of school in the first place, especially since you're not particularly happy in your current environment.
Some fun ways to associate history with good things instead of struggle might be:
I hope some of this helps!
I support everything /u/sunagainstgold said.
I was in a very similar position to you getting through my MLitt, though for different reasons. My program happened to be very small, so I suffered from loneliness and isolation during the dissertation portion of my program, causing my progress to slow to a crawl, and for history to start feeling like "work" instead of something I loved. I also lived in a residence very far away from the town center, and where everyone else lived. I also picked a topic for my dissertation that was perhaps a little bit out of my depth. I came home wanting to a try a year or two as a "civilian" in order to determine whether or not this was something I really wanted. And it is!
However, it took me time to really rediscover my own love of history. It had never really gone away, had just been stifled by external issues I was suffering from.
I'm kind of your opposite. I came from a political science and international relations background. I was actually originally in school with a focus on International Relations and Constitutional Law, with an eye to go into politics as a policy-writer. Even had some connections out in the wild. But I did a year abroad where I focused on medieval history (as a precursor to Early Modern History, which I had studied as a foundation for Early American law), and nothing had ever brought me so much joy. But this made completing the political science major very difficult for me because the methodology was completely different. But at the same time, history was difficult because much of my practical training was in political science.
I'm not sure what the Modern History equivalent would be, but I found a wonderful niche in doing 'Medieval Studies' instead of 'Medieval History'. Studies incorporates language, literature, material culture, and other fields, while History is more limited. Finally, a perfect fit.
Of late, I've found a lot of motivation in posting here on AskHistorians. It's wonderful to be reading with a goal again, and putting something out there for others to read and enjoy. And as I'm sure you've found, a lot of questions are in a more interdisciplinary nature. I would definitely recommend joining our community. The Flair community has been wonderful and supportive for me, and has definitely helped me regain my confidence.
I also write historical fiction or history-inspired content, listen to music from my time period, read and critique pop-history, reading things that are completely different from what I've read in the past, and reading primary sources just for fun. You find so many different things when you aren't looking for anything.
But most of all, it is completely okay to burn out on something. It is completely okay to stumble, and it is completely okay to struggle with the limitations placed on you by your field. Finding the limitations of your field and trying to fill the gaps is why we study these things.