I was touring a field hospital recently, and I was feeling so damn proud of all those brave boys lying there, suffering stoically from their wounds earned honorably in battle when I came across a sniveling soldier without a scratch, who insisted he simply couldn’t take it any more! Clearly, he had no business dishonoring such sacred ground with his presence, so I did the only proper thing. Administering a good, hard slap with my glove!
Fear in battle is nothing to be ashamed of, let’s be clear here! But a warrior can master his fears. I’d never seen such an arrant coward before, let alone one taking up a hospital bed needed for those heroic men who were able to overcome their fears, and give up their noble bodies in service against the enemy.
AND GODDAMN IT, IT THEN HAPPENED AGAIN! Only a week later, another soldier claiming his nerves can’t take it. I gave him a piece of my mind and administered the same treatment. A hospital is no place for them. Their sergeants ought to have kicked their asses till they went back to the line, and if not, they need to be tried and shot for desertion!
But now, my goddamn superiors are telling me I was wrong! How can that be? Ike - who, did you know, I still outrank in the Regular Army, and, I’ll have you know, relied on MY fucking notes to get through the General Staff College, and this is how he shows his fucking gratitude!? - has been all up my ass about how “shocking” my behavior is. Ike isn’t a general any more, he’s lost that soldierly spirit. He is a goddamn diplomat now. Wants me to apologize to those crying shits to avoid “controversy”. BULLSHIT! The real controversy is the coddling we’re giving these cowards! The Army isn’t their goddamn mother!
I was saving those boys’ goddamn souls! The doctors may have been unwilling to do what was necessary, but I know what needed to be done. I remember a comrade in the Great War who broke, and no one screwed his head back on right, and he ended up killing himself. A good slap would have restored his senses, I guarantee it! These men were soldiers, shirking their duty. A slap was what was needed to bring back their senses.
Look, I may be a goddamn son-of-a-bitch, but any good soldier should be! Ike just refuses to understand. How the fuck can I apologize for simply doing my goddamn duty as a soldier!? I would hope if I had been in that state, another man would have the common decency to administer the same treatment to me.
And now some hack of a journalist is sniffing about and writing what might as well be fucking Nazi propaganda to destroy the war effort and the public wants me to be sacked. Even the Senate is looking into it. These fucking civilians don’t know what it is like to command soldiers, they don’t know what it takes to lead men into battle. They don’t understand that this is my destiny. I was born a soldier, I have always been a soldier. And now they want to take that away from me because I merely am fulfilling it!
How, I ask you, can literally everyone be wrong about this? How can the entire Army brass, right up to Marshall, not to mention the Congress and President and the entire American public, be such GODDAMN ASSHOLES?
YTA
Dammit George...see you bright and early in my headquarters first thing tomorrow morning.
How can the entire Army brass, right up to Marshall, not to mention the Congress and President and the entire American public, be such GODDAMN ASSHOLES?
We got a saying over here, Georgie: if you run into an asshole in the morning, hey - you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day...
YTA. Enjoy "commanding" FUSAG.
ESH
Source: Served in U.S. Army.
NTA
Look, we live in a world war that has a front, and those fronts have to be advanced by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? General Eisenhower, himself? You weep for Private Kuhl and you curse Patton. You have that luxury, the luxury of not knowing what he knows, that slapping Kuhl, while tragic, probably saved lives. And Patton's existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You want to reprimand Patton because deep down, in places you don't talk about in polite company, you want Patton at the front, you need Patton on the front.
NTA
Shaking from fear, okay. Refusing to go into battle? Bullshit. Taking up a doctor's bed? Asshole.
You're afraid, suck it up and stand at your post. Or run home to dad and never come out until you've got it under control. Or go be a monk. There are people out there starving to death who would be delighted at the rations an army provides, not to mention the chance for loot, reward, and a fief. If you can't stomach a fight why're you wasting everyone's time?
In fact, I'd say you didn't go far enough. You should've fired him and gave his rations/stipend/fief to someone more deserving, and tell him to earn them back or die trying.
YTA. But yer 100% goddamned Amurican asshole. And God bless you for it!
NTA. You're a goddamned American hero and everyone else is failing to realize that you're vital to the war effort. Half the generals probably have way more skeletons in their closet! Douglas MacArthur thought that the Bonus Army was a bunch of dirty reds with no real grievances and thought breaking them up was a heroic act instead of a necessary evil, but nobody seems to remember that. Your only mistake was being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
NTA. Even though you're on the wrong side, you have the right idea. Your duty to your country and your duty as a soldier always supersedes humanitarian concerns. You showed a great national spirit that I didn't think possible from a mere American. By the way, have you read my book yet? It's magnificent.
NTA, George, you are the reincarnation of several dozens of warriors throughout history. You've experienced more combat in your accumulated lives than the entire General Staff together. If anybody knows what it takes to be a soldier and motivate them it would be you. If you ask me you should have sent those cowards over to the Germans. Weaken their lines instead of yours.
I think Ike is just jealous of you. His preincarnations (don't know if that's even a word) were probably women, or shoeshiners, or slaves.
YTA. Have you considered sitting down, sipping a cup of tea, calming yourself, and thinking this through a bit more?
NTA next time you need to really deck them George
ESH. Also you might want to be careful about who drives your Jeep soon.
YTA You can push then out of a plane, you can march then off a cliff, you can send them off to die on some God-forsaken rock. But for some reason, you can't slap them. Now apologize to that boy right now.
I remember a comrade in the Great War who broke, and no one screwed his head back on right, and he ended up killing himself. A good slap would have restored his senses, I guarantee it!
A very gentle YTA. It sounds like you're still beating yourself up because you didn't deliver the slap this guy needed way back in the 'teens and lingering regrets like that can cloud a man's judgement. I mean, are you sure a slap was the right answer with these two soldiers? Or are you so hung up on the past that slapping people seems like the only solution to the problem? Next time consider your alternatives - what about destroying them verbally in front of their comrades? That could be a viable choice and wouldn't get you in trouble with the boss.
A good slap would have restored his senses, I guarantee it!
INFO: What information is this guarantee based on? Do you have medical and/or psychiatric training?
NTA.
You were merely channeling the spirits within you from efficient Phoenician generals in your enthusiastic implementation of AR 615-360, and since your junior line officers were too busy fighting (as they should be!) to convene the boards for an admin discharge or bad chicken dinner, you just saved yourself the headache of paperwork several months from now when the slacker appeals up the CoC to...you.
Besides, Omar Comin'.
YTA.
Even worse than that, you're an insecure one! If you are so right and strong-willed as you claim to be, why would you be coming here to crying for validation like some little girl? A real soldier doesn't concern himself with the opinion of cowards, but apparently you aren't even that. Let me take a wild guess here - it won't be long before you'll be standing before your boss like a blubbering fool, begging to keep your position and just be allowed to do something, anything that will keep you relevant. Ike is twice the man and four times the brain you are, he doesn't need any validation to do his job, he can even keep that arrogant limey Winston in line and he doesn't even need rank to do that. You can't even stand next to a skinny Brit with binoculars without feeling starved for attention.
And I guess sure, you might have been screaming and shouting enough to make a big enough name for yourself to be discarded entirely, but that doesn't mean that there will be much actual work behind the glorious facade they have in store for you. At least you still have a nice retirement where you can go hunting with the few people who can still stand you. Enjoy that.
YTA - I heard what you said about those Brits, Patty!