Okay so first off. Literally none of this is my fault. First my wife (32F) wanted to go home and see her family. But the King of Italy (38M) (who was also her really controlling father-in-law in her previous marriage) wouldn’t let her. So, my son went south and tried to talk some sense into him. But then he tried to kill my son (completely unjustified.) So, I (50M) did what any good husband and father would do and marched over the Alps and took over Italy. So far so good right? I even let the old King keep his job and title. But then a couple of years later I get a letter from the Pope (25M) telling me that this same Italian guy is bullying him and begging me to come south and take care of things. I’m a good Catholic, guys. Maybe even the best. So, I do what any God-fearing man would do and march south again. I get rid of the old king and take Italy for myself so that none of this nonsense can ever happen again and the Pope crowns me Emperor of the Romans for my trouble (nice!) But then I think there was a breakdown in communications or something. Because in order to properly protect the Pope and take care of things (like he wanted) I evicted a bunch of Papal garrisons from the cities around Rome and replaced them with loyal imperial soldiers. This was completely justified, guys. Those guys couldn’t protect a leaf from a stiff breeze. It had to be done.
Anyway. I start to go home right? Back to my wife and my empire. I’ve got shit to do and screwing around in Italy surprisingly doesn’t really help with the whole ‘ruling the most powerful state in Europe thing.’ And I’m not even out of Italy before I intercept some letters from the Pope to literally all of my enemies asking them to come liberate him from his oppressive Saxon overlord. Wtf Right? This guy is trying to instigate WW -1. I couldn’t stand for it. So, I marched south again and replaced him with a different Pope who wouldn’t plunge Europe into a literal bloodbath centered around me. And while I was at it, I amended some documents so that the Papacy was always subject to the legal Roman Emperor (Who they get to pick, by the way. I really don’t understand why this contract specifically is their biggest problem.)
Problem solved right? The Papacy is safe, World War Negative One is averted, and I can go home. Right?
Wrong.
The moment I get home the (25M) Pope comes back and mutilates a bunch of my supporters and tries to kill the lawfully elected Pope. Like, who does that? And then before I can even put my shoes on (25M) gets caught screwing some guys wife and gets killed for it.
That’s pretty much the end of the story but now all these historians are saying that I started the ‘Dark Age of the Papacy’ and ‘Held the neck of the Vicar of Christ beneath the Saxon boot.’
AITA Guys? Really? All I did was try to help out.
NTA
Man that Pope guy is such a toxic person. First he wants help, and then he asks others to help him from "your occupation." WTF
NTA. You did your best, but Popes are so high-maintenance.
ESH but I mean, really, who among us hasn't subjugated the papacy at least once?
YTA - No mess with church.
Kyrkio mænner skulu haffwa friþer.
I’m going to give this one a YTA. All he wanted was for you to get rid of the old king, but you had to go and destroy the military structure of the whole land. Props for taking advantage of the opportunity to expand your empire, but he didn’t ask you to get rid of his guards.
NTA. That Pope doesn't sound like a nice guy.
INFO - What did your son say to the Pope?
Ugh, Hildebrand is such a drama queen! Talk about a false monk. Clerics aren't allowed to carry weapons - obviously you had to hold both of Gelasius's swords! NTA.