I (40M) and my wife (51F) have four sons(18, 16, 15, and 7) and three daughters (17, 11, and 8). I also have a son (21M) from a previous relationship. My wife brought substantial property into our marriage, and I want to keep as much of it as possible.
Until recently, my best friend (51?M), business partner and all-around confidante and partner-in-crime, had gotten along great. And then I decided to promote him to become Archbishop of Canterbury, thinking that things would stay the same. He and I would be as thick as thieves, and we could effectively rule England, Normandy, Anjou, Brittany and Aquitaine together, and everything would be great! We had previously been working to acquire more land and income for the English crown by leaving bishoprics vacant and collecting on the revenues, but as soon as he was named Archbishop, was suddenly not on my side anymore. He suddenly wanted secular clerks tried in church courts instead of secular courts, and declared that funds I had given him AS A LOAN were actually GIFTS! This is someone I trusted! I trusted him to educate my son and heir!
I tried to let him off easy. When I summoned the Bishops to Clarendon, I tried to give him a way out, and let him compromise, but he refused. I was forced to point out that his own spending as Chancellor was completely contrary to his current position on clerical spending practices. He was okay with it before I promoted him! And now that I've given him the status and power I thought he wanted, he's using it against me!!!
So anyways, he fled to France because obviously he couldn't defend himself against me. Then he goes and starts excommunicating my other advisers and some of my other bishops! Then he wrote to the Pope and they threatened to place all of England under interdict! Imagine that, no weddings, no absolution, no burials... I couldn't have that, so I had to negotiate with the bloody coward. Then, as he's returning to England, he excommunicates MORE of my Bishops! I was at dinner when I heard, so I said to the room "What miserable drones and traitors have I nurtured and promoted in my household who let their lord be treated with such shameful contempt by a low-born cleric!"
Now, I was just angry. Anybody who knows me, knows that I can get angry and that I say things I don't mean. But four of my knights, some of whom had worked for my late brother (28M), whose marriage to the richest single girl in England had been blocked by this meddlesome priest, went to Canterbury and murdered the Archbishop! I didn't ORDER them to do it. I didn't hold a sword to their throat and make them go do it. But people are saying it's my fault!
Now, three years later, after I did my penance, I thought everything was alright. I met a hot, younger woman (25F) and have been seeing her on the side since my wife is getting on in years and spends most of her time at her summer house in the South with our second son (16M). Now, our eldest (18M) keeps begging me for some estates of his own to govern. But he's irresponsible with money, and would rather fight in tournaments than learn the business of ruling. And my mother always said it was better to keep your falcons begging for scraps than to keep them well fed. So I keep telling him no. His older half-brother (21M) doesn't ask for anything!
But then I hear he's run off to his mother's place, and that they're all on their way to Paris to meet with my eldest son's father-in-law (who also happens to by my wife's ex-husband) to plot a war against me! They say that I have forfeited the crown when I had the Archbishop of Canterbury murdered! Again, I didn't order it. Some of my men captured my wife, and I have her imprisoned to make sure my sons behave, but I hear they're taking up arms against me and several of my nobles are following suit.
Did I put a hit out on my best friend? Is my wife mad about the other woman? Should I have given into my sons' constant requests for money? AITA?
TL;DR: My best friend betrayed me, and I got angry. Some of my men killed him in my name. My wife and sons are rebelling. AITA?
Edit: Oh, I also just got a message saying that the King of Scotland is invading too, great.
YTA Look, Thomas Becket warned you that if you appointed him Archbishop, you and he would become bitter enemies. You can't act surprised that what he predicted came true. And it makes sense. You were friends with Becket because he was extremely competent and good at his job. He wasn't going to accept a promotion and start being corrupt and bad at his job, now was he?
The way that power works is that you have to act in ways that consolidate your power. As Chancellor, palling with the king, eating drinking and making merry, and wielding an iron fist in a velvet glove made Becket powerful, and made you like to hang out with him. Archbishops don't consolidate their power by doing those things. They consolidate their power by advancing the goals of the church against the crown, being all pious and boring, and using the church monies and influence for the goals of the church. By installing Becket into the position of Archbishop, you stuck a knife into the heart of your friendship.
Also, look, dude, you're the king of England, not some hillbilly running a Tiger zoo. You have to be careful with what you say. Plenty of people will want to butter you up any way they can, and if you keep talking about wanting someone dead, that person is liable to wind up dead. At the end of the day, the buck stops at your throne, and you have to take responsibility for what happens in your kingdom.
And by the way, your wife is a boss. She responded to the King of France divorcing her by marrying his rival, the King of England, and bringing her properties to the English crown. Tread carefully there, because she does not play to lose.
Gently ESH, your Majesty. In my youth (14M), I would not presume to advise someone of your age, but I feel that everyone has a duty to speak truth to power. People do have a responsibility to be loyal to their rightful ruler, and it was low and base of your own family to stab you in the back like that. At the same time, a king also has a responsibility to make the best decisions for his kingdom. I understand you need to continue to have your kingdom to make the best decisions for it, but at the same time, you need honest advisors. I'm good friends with one of your sons (16M), and when I talked to him, it sounded like he doesn't hate you, he just feels that with all this killing and imprisoning, it's hard for anyone to talk to you honestly. Consider releasing your wife, pardoning your elder sons, making sure no more priests are murdered, and asking your younger son (7M) not to be such an annoying pest following his Royal Highness (16M) and I (14M) around when we're trying to get some archery practice in.
Your subject always,
Sir Robin, Heir apparent to the Earl of Locksley
Pfft. NTA. I mean, these people are just asking so much of you. What are they doing for YOU? I mean, you're the one who was chosen by God and the church. It isn't your fault those knights got a little into the murder hobo life. And you definitely deserve a younger, better wife. Think of the line of succession!
And don't get me started on your kids. Kids these days just ask for the world and expect not to work for it. If you give them everything they want, they'll grow up spoiled!
Good luck!
YTA, because a real king wouldn't care about any of this. Like, you're the KING bro just give yourself a divorce if you have to. Seize all church property if they get upset. There's so much you could actually be doing right now to fix this situation but I guess reddit gotta reddit lmao
I mean. NTA. Technically, you didn't order him to be murdered. AND you're fully right to be upset that he's using his new position that YOU granted him against YOU. Also your family sounds like a real sack of d-cks, no offence.
Wishing you all the best bud. Please update us as to how it all works out. ;)
NTA GLORY TO THE CROWN P.s. is that bishop position still open?
NTA.
We all have this former friend who suddenly became all annoyingly holy whenever they found religion and they feel like they have to make everyone else pay for their own shortcomings. You're better off without that toxic relationship.
As for the rest, obviously NTA. You're a king, you have a lot of responsibilities and it appears that your family doesn't seem to appreciate all of your hard work. Perhaps it's better that you get a new social circle who appreciate you for just you.
INFO Did you know that your wife (51F) is currently offering your side-piece (25F) her choice between a cup of poison and a dagger for her extrajudicial execution?
Don't worry about Scotland so much. You might want to pay attention to that agenda of Tigernán Mór Ua Ruairc, because honestly, I know that your youngest son, the 7M, needs a place to govern because otherwise he won't get a marriage alliance, having no land on offer, but Ireland may be a bit tough to deal with regularly, over the next 900 years or so. The Scots will buck a bit but you have wealth and French alliances I'd advise you not to squander on bullshit, especially when they're bitching about the damn Sassenach.
Also, YTA.
YTA for cheating on your wife. You should have left if you were that unhappy. There is never an acceptable excuse for cheating (even if she was cheating on you with y'alls son, two wrongs don't make a right). You also sound very abusive towards your wife by imprisoning her. While I understand how you feel betrayed by former BFF putting a hit out on him is not ok. Use better judgement when you pick someone for something like that. BFFs rarely make good partner's in the long run. You're not an AH for not giving your sons every little thing they want. It's bad to spoil children like that and can cause serious issues for other people when they won't give into your sons' demands.
NTA. Not your fault those knights can't read sarcasm. And the sons need to learn the hard way how to gain a kingdom, just like (I presume) you did.
NTA- No way, man. Needy relatives and upjumped priests are the downfall of a dynasty. My descendants and I had to accidentally *wink* remove a lot of meddlesome priests. Before you give them the pointy hat they're all, 'Yes Your Imperial Highness, I will act for the good of the realm.' But the moment they can't legally have sex they get all weird and start caring about things like 'souls' and 'tithes.'
Like, dude. I put you there specifically so that I don't have to deal with some asshat who only cares about souls and tithes.
NTA
In fact you were too soft.
Your friend obviously betrayed you. You let him be a priest to control the temple, so he should've listened. Frankly you should've ordered his execution.
And of course you should see other women, especially if they're hot and come from good families. Frankly you should've imprisoned your son since it sounds like he kept nagging you for an estate. That would've taught him to obey his father. And prevent him from making the first move like I did when I teamed up with my father's ally to exile him, which sounds like he might be trying to do.
NTA. This guy seems pretty turbulent AT BEST
YTA, your majesty. Maybe you get angry and say things you don't mean, but you're the king. You're responsible for the behavior of your underlings and minions. Those knights legitimately believe that murdering the Archbishop was what you wanted, and they did it in the expectation of your favor and rewards. Hell, you called them "drones and traitors!" What is a leal and honorable vassal supposed to think in that situation?
INFO: did you have your son crowned king but not give him any power?
NTA: I thought you might be the asshole, but then I remembered that you're Peter O'Toole and I can't stay mad at you.
YTA
You're not the asshole for the knights killing the arch Duke. Sounds like they did that on their own. YTA for cheating on your wife but not for imprisoning her. It seems like the only alternative would have been killing your sons if they were looking to start a war. But Yta for not training your son better for rule! Who was supposed to take over?
YTA/NTA regardless, that decentralized court system you're setting up is going to come back and bite your family in the ass...tell that youngest son of yours to play nice with the other rich kids or there will be consequences down the road
INFO: Did your wife sleep with your father?
ESH
bows
Absolutely masterful. :D