So, I'm a pretty good sculptor and architect. Better than most, anyways. Because I'm so talented, Il Papa has tasked me with building new sacristy and library at San Lorenzo. This is all natural, the Vicar of Christ demands only the best to even approach recreating the glory of the Kingdom of God on Earth. The fact that we were childhood friends has nothing--

Nothing, Pierto! Stop smirking!

--Nothing to do with it. Cazzo, the quality of assistants these days.

In ogni modo, he has all of these projects for me, but he overestimates me. He thinks me some unshaven Samson, for Il Papa appends more requests for papal tombs for himself and Papa Leo, God rest his soul, a crystal cross, a ciborium and a reliquary, ay Merda am I architect or mule? At least a beast of burden would expect food and rest and the sweet release of death once his body failed him. I, for I am of such import to His Holiness, cannot hope for even that. I toil and toil away and yet my assignments only grow, never shrink. I feel like Sisypheus in the deepest pits of Hell.

So finally, when His Holiness sends me another proposal for a fifty-foot bronze statue, I... may... have send him reply that have detailed some more exaggerated, eh how you say, specification. Also, does anyone know how to fit building underneath statue? I pray I not give Il Papa... how you say... any 'bright ideas'.

Am I the Stronzo?

Transcriptor Note: "Ser Buonarroti replied with suggesting a larger seated statue, (eighty) rather than (fifty feet) high, with a barber shop under its rump, a cornucopia for a chimney, a dovecote in the hollow head and bells ringing from the gaping mouth"

He also basically told the Pope to go f*ck himself.

~ Pierto