YTA. Look, I know my son is kind of a dick, and honestly not particularly competent, but apart from being the son of me, the great Dareios, he is also a direct descendant from King Cyrus through his mother. You don't really have a choice but to submit to his hegemony. If you don't submit now, I'm afraid my idiot son might do something incredibly stupid and wasteful, like trying to march, I don't know, 150,000 soldiers into Greece and
probably accomplish nothing except a pointless sack of some city. The boy just isn't a very good strategist, but his mother was very insistent on him succeeding me, and, you know, she _is_ the daughter of Cyrus, so what could I do?

YTA - This is madness.

ESH, honestly. I mean yeah, fair point on the Persians being all dicks and everything demanding Greek submission, but dude, you don't touch emissaries. If I have my theology right, isn't this a violation of xenia?

YTA.

Come on. All these guys were asking for was a bit of soil and water. I know I know, you kicked them down a well and technically that might turn fulfill their wish - but be honest, you knew exactly what they meant.

YTA: Yes. Wells are difficult to dig, and you’ve just spoiled one. Replacing the well will occupy your helots for a period of time when they could have been deployed on other work.

NTA. Your city-state; your logos.

ESH. Your niece/wife (I hope it's only one of those!) may not be as approving as you think. I hear she's a particularly opinionated kind of woman, but she may decide to have lemons and make lemonade.

I suggest recruiting two diplomats of noble blood and property and sending them off to Persia to apologize and also to volunteer for their own execution by torture. They can also take the opportunity to send a few notes back on Demaratus, who I hear is hanging out in Persia after his midlife crisis and coup.

YTA based on info given and the fact the dude is just the messenger. He probably didn't make the decision so why are you punishing him?

I-N-F-O-: Why??????? Leaning towards Y-T-A unless you have a reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaalllllllyyyyyy good reason.

YTA - You usurped your brother’s throne only to commit this impiety. Surely, Hermes and Lord Apollo himself will punish you for your hubris.

YTA - don't shoot the messenger also extends to kicking them down wells. Don't do it.

INFO Was he blaspheming? The gods won't be happy but this is a crucial detail, OPlite.

NTA. You chose your words very carefully, perhaps he should have done the same.

YTA - Thank your stars that Xerses was not a Genghis Khan.

YTA - and as punishment, you'll have to fight off the Persians with 700 Lesbians and 900 Harlots.

Hey, how do you get those abs?

YTA. The Persians are pretty chill, especially when you consider that they never really embraced slavery under the Achaemenids. At least compared to the Spartans, who solely depended on the brutal suppression of the Helots to prop up their pedophile-warrior caste, which in turn was mostly used to brutally suppress the Helots in a vicious circle.

So you probably shouldn't have killed the messenger, you shouldn't own slaves, and you most certainly should not fuck children.

YTA have you ever fallen down a well good sir? It is not a pleasant experience.

NtA

But wait niece? Wife?

NTA. Take it from me, diplomacy can be whatever you want it to be.

YTA

He was just delivering a message. And it doesn't matter what your wife thinks, if you've pissed off Athena.

NTA. F*ck the Persians

I’d like to I ask a follow-up question. What are Spartans’ profession?

NTA - he took the job knowing the risks of getting kicked down wells.

YTA:

God is angry because you aint a British subject mate. Everyone knows god works for us. It's simple!

YTA. The Persian Empire is the greatest empire the world has seen with tons of upward mobility for those under it.

YTA. You're such an asshole. You don't hurt emissaries! It doesn't matter if they were a bit rude or delivered a message you didn't like. You don't hurt messengers! It's barbaric!

YTA.

To err is human, but forgiveness is divine.

Major red flag

NTA, what choice did you have? Kudos to you, valiant King.