Some background: we’re in the middle of the Corinthian War (395-386 BC). I, Iphikrates son of Timotheos (late 20s, M) am an officer in the Athenian garrison of Corinth. I command the peltasts while the general Kallias commands the hoplites. For the last 2 years, my peltasts have been making life hell for Sparta’s allies in the surrounding area. These days they don’t even dare to come out, they’re so scared of me. They suspect an ambush behind every blade of grass. But the Spartans look down my men. The Spartans think they’re invincible. They make fun of their allies, saying they are like little children scared of the bogeyman. Ha! They paid for their contempt.
The Spartans have their garrison just a few kilometres away, in Lechaion, down by the sea. The other day, a part of that garrison went home to Sparta for a festival. Their religious calendar is a bit funny, not like the rest of Lakedaimon. Anyway, since we can see their movements from the walls of Corinth, the whole enemy garrison escorted the ones going home until they were safely out of sight. On their way back to Lechaion, the escort came through the plain below the walls again. I saw that there were only hoplites, with no support troops, and that they were marching with their naked side facing us. I persuaded Kallias to attack.
While Kallias drew up our hoplites near the walls, I rushed down into the plain with my peltasts, who went at the Spartans with their javelins. The youngest Spartans tried to run out and catch my men, but their shields slowed them down, so my lads had no trouble keeping out of their grasp. As soon as they turned to go back to their formation, we’d be at their backs again with the javelins. This went on for a while; even after the Spartans brought up some horsemen to support them, they couldn’t find a way to get at us. They couldn’t pursue as far as they wanted, since they could see Kallias with our phalanx waiting for them up the slope. There was nothing they could do except wear themselves out and die. It was glorious.
In the end the Spartans gathered on a low hill. We all thought they might make a final stand like their famous ancestors – but instead they broke and fled. It was a sight, my friend! Spartans running for their lives, getting skewered like fish and chopped up with cleavers by my Thracians. Some of them managed to make it back to Lechaion, but hundreds of them lay scattered about the plain. Job done; I annihilated a sixth of the Spartan army without losing a single man.
I say this is what they get for their arrogance. They think they’re better than other men. They shouldn’t have been so stupid, so overconfident, marching out with no one in support.
But now people are telling me that the javelin is a coward’s weapon! Me, I don’t come from money; I don’t have time for these delusions. But those fancy rich boy Spartans are complaining that they weren’t beaten fair and square. That I wouldn’t have the guts to meet them face to face! Come on, now. Their allies warned them that I was in Corinth waiting for a chance to attack. And it’s not the first time someone’s dealt with them like this. All’s fair in war, right? Or AITA here?
YTA. What is this "javelin" nonsense? Look, there are two really important weapons - there's the spear, and there's the bow. Both are weapons that every monarch and hegemon ought to master - I've heard lion hunting is a pretty good way if you need practice. But you see, you use the spear to stab people, and you use the bow to attack them from a range! If I had my royal guard throw their spears, what would they do next, stab people with arrows? Beat them over their heads with bows? No, you have them shoot arrows when the enemy is far away, and you have them use their spears to stab nearby enemies!
At least if this is what Greek warfare is like, I guess it will be a piece of cake for Datis and Artaphernes to conquer the rest of Greece while I'm busy fighting the Scythians.
YTA. It's a spear. Stab with it. What the fuck is a javelin?
YTA! IT SEEMS YOU ATHENIANS ARE NO BETTER THAN PERSIANS, RELYING ON BARBARIANS TO FIGHT LIKE WOMEN ON YOUR BEHALF!
BUT IF THE SONS OF SPARTA CHOSE TO FLEE RATHER THAN DIE IN THEIR PLACES, THEN ESH AND MAY THE WORLD END!
ƷNÞE
Yif ʒoure enemyes in þeyr arrogaunce don come afore ʒou, þenkinge ʒou to ben of lyttel worþ, þen ʒou haue euery right to dispose of þem as ʒou plese. Yif þey don nat brenge darte men to defend þeyr knyitʒ, þen ʒou shuld dysstrye þem wiþ darte men.
Cowardie ys þa slaunder of þa vnkunnynge disscomfited.
ESH. Look we all know the Spartans weren't raised with the best of manners, they can be a bit too blunt and speak when it's better to be quiet. But that's no reason for you to run around in the field like some kind of slave during the harvest. Next time you stand and fight like a real man or everybody will think you're a coward.
NTA. You fight with the most effective weapon at hand. There is nothing glourious in dying how your enemy would prefer to kill you. I'm not a expert but isn't there a guy named Thycedides with some novel new ideas concerning honor and human nature?
NTA, the scurrilous Spartans got what they deserved!
They were the cowards to flee instead of facing their enemy.
YTA, go to your room and do democracy or something.
~~Paid for by the Spartan gang
NTA.
Many ages after you have passed, oh noble Athenian, men will fight by hurling small metal arrows at each other from long handheld tubes, using a special fire to make the arrows go as fast as Apollo's chariot.
One day, one of the warring factions will bring a metal tube that doesn't sling a single arrow, but hurls something like a fistful of small stones in a cone, causing grievous wounds. And the other side will be outraged!
But they will be in the wrong, just as the Spartans are. The greatest shame is having your city sacked and your people enslaved, not how you fight.
YYA - you don't even carry a shield, either to carry back - or be carried back on - from this cowardly assault.
Frankly you're exactly the kind of person the brave Xenophon warned us about.
NTA. My distant cousins are Athenian, so I say fuck the Spartans with whatever you have.
NTA
Tis war, not children's games. All weapons and tactics have validity. You are trying to win, not wrestle.
In a moment of profound cinematic reversal, and one that had prophetic echoes across the Tricontinental and the landscape of Bandung, is the scene from The Battle of Algiers when Ben H’midi, the leader of the FLN, is captured and paraded as a spectacle in front of a preening press. Asked about his use of guerrilla war and the FLN’s targeting of civilians, Ben H’midi replied, “Isn’t it even more cowardly to attack defenseless villages with napalm bombs that kill thousands more? Obviously planes would make things easier for us. Give us your bombers and you can have our baskets.”
YTA, hang on, over 300 years before Christ and you know the year is BC? You’re obviously a time-traveler that could make the battlefield change easy and mercifully with a god damn tank.
NTA, they were stupid and fled like rabbits instead of fighting kallias. What happened to the famous
GLORY AND DEATH, SPARTANS WILL NEVER SURRENDER
This is most amusing. They are so upset because of your clevernes. I mean they have spears too, why don't they throw them too to make them javalins 😂
NTA
damn kiters ruining the game smh
YTA.
The youngest Spartans tried to run out and catch my men, but their shields slowed them down, so my lads had no trouble keeping out of their grasp.
You come home with your shield, or on it. You say they were slowed by their shields, but where was yours?
If you can toss a javelin while holding a shield, then by all means feel free to do so. But remember, your duty is not to kill the enemy. That is a means to an end. Your job is to protect your city. How, exactly, will one prevent an army from entering your temples and despoiling your gods if your tactics are to run away as they approach? Best to learn to stand fast and hold ground, lest you forget how when it's most needed.
NTA. They should learn to use their support troops properly.
NTA. Next time try building something ridiculous like an arbalest.