A few numbers that I've crunched for the curious!

/u/LEONIDAAAS got the largest number of votes for being the Asshole.

/u/thecountessofcarrick got the largest number of votes for NOT being the Asshole, as well as being the situation with the most determinations that everyone sucked, and no one was the asshole.

The clearest asshole was /u/Sicarii4eva, with 4 YTA and 0 opposition to that.

The most justified, with 6 NTA and 0 opposition, was /u/Aquitaine_Duchess, although /u/BestOfTheBeatles came quite close if only for that 'ESH'.

Using my patent pending 'Asshole Quotient' Formula ((YTA+ESH)/(NTA+NAH), excluding anyone with less than 10 total votes), /u/Sokrates_of_Athens was determined to be the generally worst asshole of the entire bunch, while /u/Henry2Curtmantle was the most controversial.

Seems only right to do a bit of a rundown of the more proper history for the posts I did!

WIBTA if I (m18) challenged my friend (m18) to a duel because he wouldn’t concede that I had laid claim to the trout at dinner first? by /u/John_G_Adams [Student | Man of Honor] is based on an account of the South Carolina College duel of 1833. As with so much of the history of dueling, our knowledge of it is based on minimal sourcing, but it is described essentially as detailed in the post, with two friends quarreling over a plate of trout at dinner, and the school's social convention of "first come, first serve" causing it to become a matter of honor, which saw Adams lose his life. You can read more in:

Walker, William E. 1951. “The South Carolina College Duel of 1833.” The South Carolina Historical and Genealogical Magazine 52 (3): 140–42.

AITA because I slapped a soldier who was a lily-livered, goddamn COWARD in order in try and put some fighting spirit back into him? Oh, and then did it again? Obviously not, but why are they, I mean? by /u/George_S_Patton_Jr [Warrior of Destiny | Wicked Good Backhand] is of course based on the infamous pair of incidents in Patton's career. Slapping two soldiers, roughly a week apart, in August of 1943, saw PAtton censured privately by Ike with Patton forced to apologize, but the whole thing was kept under wraps until a journalist broke the story several months later, igniting a veritable firestorm of public indignation which almost ended his career.

AITA for meddling in the foreign affairs of another country to assist in the military overthrow of the government? by /u/HL_Wilson_Esq [Magnificently Mustachioed Manifest Destiny] is an accounting of the 'Ten Tragic Days', which saw the overthrow of the Mexican government under Madero by a military coup, which was greatly facilitated by the machinations of Wilson, the American Ambassador at the time. I've written a more even-handed account of it in this thread.

AITA for helping my friend stop an attempted coup? by /u/Marshal_G_K_Zhukov [Four Time Hero of AskHistorians April Fools] is, of course, about Zhukov himself, detailing the chain of events which saw his ouster from power by Khrushchev. After seeing the degree of respect which Zhukov commanded following the attempted coup by the Anti-Party Group in mid-1957, Khrushchev began to see Zhukov as a real threat to his position, within mere months he himself was being accused of disloyalty and forced into retirement. I've written more extensively on the matter here.

AITA for fighting a duel, being forgiven by the King, and then dueling again despite his edict not to? by /u/Big_Boute [Straight Outta Comte] recounts the fate of François de Montmorency, comte de Lux et de Bouteville, known to history alongside his Second as one of the few persons executed for fighting a duel, having the poor choice of working very hard to thumb his nose at the King (and his minister, Richelieu) mere months after a new edict had been passed. In Early Modern France, a pardon for a duel was practically automatic, given out by the thousands, but the Kings did at least make token efforts to clamp down on the institution, and Bouteville pushed too far at the absolute worst time. For a good accounting of Bouteville and the larger circumstances around his death, try:

Herr, Richard. 1955. “Honor versus Absolutism: Richelieu’s Fight against Dueling.” The Journal of Modern History 27 (3): 281–85.

WIBTA if, in my capacity as head of company security, I use overwhelming military force to disperse some whiney rabble-rousers camped front and protesting? by /u/DotheDougieMcA [I'll Be Back | Better Part of Valor] is a reference to the Bonus March of 1932 which camped out in Washington, DC, and was put down with military force led by MacArthur. This old answer of mine details it more.

Kissinger escapes justice, yet again!

Special shoutout to u/hergrim for staying so in character as Henry V that he wrote in Middle English... which was surprisingly easy for me to understand, at least as it was written.

It was a pure joy writing my singular post for this event, in which I took on the guise of Bolivian president Hilarión Daza in 1879 in the run up to the War of the Pacific (1879-1884). AITA for imposing a 10 cent tax on my neighbor despite needing the money?

This is based on the months leading up to the war in which the Bolivian government imposed a tax Chilean companies on their (then) seacoast, breaking the 1874 treaty between the two countries which expressively forbade it. The reasons for Bolivia's choices during this period is still up for debate, although the 1870s world depression certainly played a role, as well as a need to control Bolivian resources. On February 14, 1879, Chilean forces occupied towns all along the Bolivian coast, prompting a state of war within weeks. Through a secret military treaty, Peru was roped into the conflict as well on the side of Bolivia. By the end of the war in 1884, Bolivia had lost its coast and became effectively landlocked. On the lead-up to the war, see this post of mine.

Daza didn't last long as president. After making one of the strangest choices in the war, he was overthrown in a coup.

Thank you everyone who posted. I haven't laughed that much in a while.

Hugely amazing job everyone! It was incredibly well done, and I had an absolute blast reading things. Also shout out to /u/thecountessofcarrick for making sure I got a sweet 400+ comment karma for making a 'dating is hard' joke.

I love that Sokrates was judged overwhelmingly to be the asshole.

I'm not usually that good at April Fool's, so I am really happy people had fun reading AITA for offering my employers some suggestions to improve long-term customer satisfaction?

Also, for anyone interested:

• Martin Luther [maybe] nailed the 95 theses to the church door on October 31, 1517. Was there a reason why he chose Halloween?

...So if you're wondering, yes, "YTA." (Or at the very least, ESH.)

Thank you to everyone who made me laugh with your responses!

I can't believe Henry Goddamn Kissinger got judged NTA. Shameful

As the most benevolent and excellent King of Joseon, I, like in the past with my tax surveys, shall listen to the peasants and do as they ask! The prince will die! The kingdom is cleansed of great evil!

The other thing this little public court session has shown me is the complete lack of ability and awareness from the common people. No wonder we maintain the civil service examinations! Letting the people take control would mean the realm would descend into utter chaos! I don't even think they know what year it is, or which kingdom they reside in. All the more reason Joseon needs a capable ruler.

I saw so many YTA comments on these that I'm considering petitioning Oxford to remove "history" from the dictionary and replace it with "asshology".

Best prepared responses has to be hillsonghoods. When his character was told "get over yourself", they responded with this published piece:
.

Stir inside of your brains with a penis

until things are mixed well.

Take a walk. "

This was just one of many.

For my two pieces I actually paraphrased the primary sources into what I think they'd sound like in modern English. The sources are Nagao Kagetora (later Uesugi Kenshin)'s letter he wrote in 1556 to a monk he knew explaining why he's decided to enter a monastery, and Oda Nobunaga's published reasons for firing Sakuma Nobumori in 1580 found in the Shinchōkōki.

Popular depictions show Kenshin as the honourable lord while Nobunaga was the ruthless, bloodthirsty brute. Reality on the other hand is a lot more complicated. So it's really interesting to me that when shown the what they wrote in their own words (sort of) Kenshin's voted YTA while Nobunaga's NTA.

Interestingly based on Kenshin's letter (which is a lot longer than what I posted and spend many more words harping on the accomplishments of his ancestry, and then a bit on his own), and how his vassals responded when they heard, many historians think he was forcing his vassals to pledge renewed loyalty to him and never actually wanted to enter a monastery.

Can this be a weekly thing? Like have one topic on a Saturday or something. Absolutely brilliant and fun!

Impersonating an incompetent meme general was a ton of fun! Thank you to the organizers and those who came to the defense of Luigi Cadorna's honor.

I want to thank all the historians that created this stories on alt accounts. All of them were very funny.

I got to say my two favorites were the threads made by u/Sokrates_of_Athens and /u/OvidiusRedditor . Their responses and the public comments were comedy gold.

I enjoyed this immensely. Thank you for the much needed break from working during the coronavirus shitshow.

Really enjoyed doing this, a big thanks to everyone who participated!

Looks like Ovid is erroneously marked NAH when he was voted YTA?

Both of mine have their roots in two past posts of mine- Jews and university acceptance and the Emden-Eybeschuetz Controversy.

My three weren't that original, I basically just resurrected my Day of the Dead takes.

Hong Xiuquan should go without saying – how one imagines a delusional messianic figure might act.

The Qianlong Emperor (Abkai Wehiyehe huwangdi in Manchu) was perhaps a bit exaggerated in his Manchu-centrism, but still rooted very much in his early reign's attempts to basically completely elide the Yongzheng reign and act like he was the direct successor to Kangxi. Indeed, he later claimed that Kangxi chose Yongzheng not for Yongzheng himself, but because he saw the potential in Qianlong (which given that he was only 11 when Kangxi died, seems exceedingly improbable).

Sun Yat-Sen was portrayed very cynically, but also, he deserves to be :P Sun Yat-Sen's actual contribution to the 1911 Revolution is really quite minor, what he did was ride on the coattails of a widespread revolt started by independent radicals and supported mainly by the traditional elite, not his revolutionary clique. Hence Li Yuanhong dropping in to give Sun's supporters a piece of his mind.

Well, I'm here late after a much longer and busier day than yesterday was in lngwstksgk land to do a run down of my two, ArdnamurchanPoet and AbercalderNoMore (I am very sorry someone already nabbed LochaberNoMore).

I just did an explanation on AbercalderNoMore here, so if you would like to know more about early Canadian settlement, the Gaelic influence in Ontario, and three fascinating Scottish brothers, check that out.

For ArdnamurchanPoet, I was writing about the situation in which Alasdair MacMhaighstir Alasdair (aka Alexander MacDonald--yeah I wasn't thinking when I picked all these super super similar named guys) found himself after the failed Jacobite Rising of 1746. I did play a little bit in implying he left his wife and child homeless in the hills, but what exactly became of Alasdair in his later years is not known. He went into hiding at the same time Prince Charles Edward Stuart did, shortly after his lands and properties were seized, and likely the family did camp in caves in the Highlands. During this time as well, Alasdair wrote a series of poems called the As-Eiridh, which he was able to get published with some of the money from the Loch Arkaig treasure. This is what ArdnamurchanPoet is referencing with regard to French and Spanish coin.

One of the poems in this book is called An Airce, The Ark, and it is from Ronald Black's translation of that that I quoted in response to /u/RealUEL. Since I got a nice Gaelic judgement from /u/Kelpie-Cat, I returned back another piece of Alasdair's poetry in Gaelic, with only a minor change at the end to customize to our scenario. Translated, that becomes,

You've a hedgehog's visage, a boar's belly-face,

The bone-raven's bosom and the nature of a pig,

The mouth of a catfish and the badger's stench,

Splay feet, heels full of kibes,

The legs of a heron, the lobster's breast,

Festering, scaly, watering eyes--

With inches of bardic satire

I measure you from your brow to your heel

And, you slave, I flay your hide off you

Because you have defamed me, the bold dark Moidartman.

Again, translation credit to Ronald Black. I only changed the last line to put in a phrase Alasdair assigned to himself, instead of the original (better metered) an Caimbeullach dhubh, the Black Campbell.

Fun detail, my two are subtly related. Alasdair MacMhaighstir Alasdair fostered Alexander Ruadh's nephew (this is the Glengarry chief and spy), and both men were Captains under Prince Charles, so certainly knew each other.

These were hilarious to read and honestly the fresh perspective helped me to learn a lot I didn't know before! I'd love to read an entire book written like this, it was extremely entertaining. Thanks everyone for such wonderful submissions, these really were a joy to read.

Great tales of men and women of enormous wealth, status and power, crowned in the regalia of their ages...

And also one with a Cockney bricklayer who went bush in a penal colony.

Whoever makes a podcast version of these is my hero

People can't help liking Kissinger, can they? Such a lovable fellow. To be fair though, I think I made him far less pompous than he probably is, and that's saying something.

I fucking own two account for the First Emperor of the Qin dynasty and Xunzi. This would be been great.

Everyone's stories totally brightened my day! THANK YOU!

Thank you so, so much to everyone who posted!! Yesterday I laughed more than I have all year, and I finally subscribed here. Not only were the posts hilarious, they were really informative too - I learned a lot! I read a whole bunch of these to my family and friends, and they loved them as well (my mom particularly liked the Beatles-related posts by /u/hillsonghoods and /u/Georgy_K_Zhukov, she was having a tough day and I really appreciate y'all making her laugh).

Also want to especially thank /u/Iavasloke for their awesome post where I had the opportunity to use my Hatshepsut novelty account! That was rad.

(I checked the rules and didn't see anything saying no username mentions, but if it is against the rules or even just impolite I will promptly remove them!)

Edit: I misspelled a username whoops!

I must say as a long time reader and occasional poster this was one of my absolute favorite April fools day jokes/themes. Both here on this subreddit and just in general. Thanks for going ahead and giving us all something to laugh about. I also will say that I think limiting it to flaired users was absolutely the right call. Quality vs. quantity is why I’m here and even though I’m sure there would have been some great non-flaired posts we all know that this is reddit and you can’t ask for too much.

Shoutout specifically to /u/hergrim for writing in Middle English I got such a kick out of that even if I had to struggle a little bit to read it occasionally. And /u/mimicofmodes for managing to be most (if not all?) of Henry’s wives. Though all of you guys did fantastic and I could fill up a post just with appreciations.

Also, /u/crrpit I’m now fascinated by James Justice in the Spanish civil war is there more to be said and fleshed out...like say if maybe I posted a question on him?

Also, whoever made that GIF of Jack Sparrow for the rules thread I legitimately laughed out loud. Soooo on point.

This was the highlight of my April Fool's Day! Great job!

I feel like having u/Marshal_G_K_Zhukov instead of u/NotoriousGKZ was a missed opportunity.

This was a fantastic series to read through!

this should be a permanent fixture subreddit

Very enjoyable! Thank you to everyone who contributed. Really cheered me up (which we all need more of nowadays).

I'm confused about the Scottish settlers in Canada one, what's that about?

Nothing to say but I love and appreciate you all, these kind of deep cuts into the infinite human history cake won't be written about, but they are important and beautiful and a welcome respite.

Thank you, for this and for maintaining such a delightful beacon.

I'm sad I missed it, I wanted to ask about Reagan's ignoring of the AIDs crisis

I just want to say a big THANK YOU to all the contributors.

That's what was going on! I just thought it was the new format and was thrilled. It's so much more engaging then the usual students looking for citations for their papers.

I want to thank all the mods for tossing in on this one. I personally had a blast, especially when /u/eleanorofaquitaine showed up.

I loved this event! Huge thanks to the mods for letting me share my write-up as Catherine the Great on the eve of her ascension to power, even though I'm still working on getting official flair. I loved writing it and I loved all the responses. I hope to be joining more threads as a flared user instead of a question slinger.

You are all awesome!

What warrior is that on the picture I know it’s not a viking cus He would be so fucking Rich if he had that gear... I have nother firsere that norman but, the shield is off, IThink. I Think it might be a french knight with a weird buckler...

This is so good I need to save it for later

Please tell me someone did Henry VIII.

Nice touch on the "AWTA" ones, haha.