I’m mostly looking for good resources so I can be better educated when arguing with proconfederacy flag/monument types of ppl who also argue that the confederacy was for states rights.
Also looking for how the confederate daughters of America managed to rewrite the history of the civil war in the south.
I do hope I posted in the right spot, If not I apologize!
For books on the Civil War Era generally, I ordinarily recommend people read James McPherson's Battle Cry of Freedom, which is about as close to the Bible as you're going to get for Civil War studies. No book is perfect, and there's a lot in there that will not pertain specifically to this question, but it does deal with the Confederacy, and it has the virtue of being eminently readable.
The Confederacy:
Emory Thomas, The Confederate Nation, 1861 - 1865
Stephanie McCurry, Confederate Reckoning: Power and Politics in the Civil War South
Mark Neely, Southern Rights: Political Prisoners and the Myth of Confederate Constitutionalism. This one deals specifically with the issue of domestic civil liberties. Neely has another, more famous, volume on Lincoln's civil liberties record you may find interesting.
Gary Gallagher, The Confederate War
Joseph Glatthaar, General Lee's Army: From Victory to Collapse. This one is specifically about the Army of Northern Virginia, but it does discuss the conduct of the army fairly generally, including enlistment motivations and what soldiers thought about the war. For more on that topic, see McPherson's For Cause and Comrades and What They Fought For, and Chandra Manning's What This Cruel War was Over: Soldiers, Slavery, and the Civil War.
Causes of the Civil War. This is you can imagine gets written about a lot. For this one, I would see the McPherson text above, as well as Manning. For something more in-depth, see Varon's Disunion!, and Freehling's Road to Disunion (2 vols). I'd start with Varon, as Freehling is lengthy, and his writing style isn't for everyone. Also see:
Eric Foner, Politics and Ideology in the Age of the Civil War
Eric Walther, The Fire Eaters
UDC/Civil War Memory:
I have not personally read it, but Karen Cox's Dixie's Daughters: The United Daughters of the Confederacy and the Preservation of Confederate Culture looks to be pretty standard.
For public memory of the Civil War more generally, see Caroline Janney's Remembering the Civil War: Reunion and the Limits of Reconstruction
David Blight, Race and Reunion: The Civil War in American Memory
Nina Silber, The Romance of Reunion: Northerners and the South, 1865 - 1900
Gary Gallagher, The Myth of the Lost Cause and Civil War History
Edward Blum, Reforging the White Republic: Race, Religion, and American Nationalism, 1865 - 1898
Let me know if you'd like anything on any more specific topics I haven't mentioned here.