This is for a book I'm working on, and while I've gotten plenty of information on spousal mourning and that sort of thing, I can't find anything on couples. For clarification, let's say you, a 23-year-old man, had been courting a woman for three years and were not yet engaged, but would have been in a week had she not been killed. In front of you.
What would the expected mourning period be? And when would it become acceptable, or even expected, to start courting again- or would it never be?
For reference: The story is set a bit after the US Civil War, but due to fantasy/sci-fi shenanigans the timeline's messed up anyway. Such as the characters getting paid 1823 wages in a 1867 economy. The girl got shot by bandits while saving a child, the bandits were after the man thinking (incorrectly) that he had money, and if it affects anything the man is in the Navy.
Secondary offshoot of this question: How, if at all, strange would it seem for the man to swear off all romance after this, fearing that the same thing would happen to them, and hold to that completely for the next seven/eight years?
(Note: Sailor_Cowgirl here, this is my cous stealing my account. I'll back out now. Bye!)
Sorry for how late I am - but the answer really is that there was no customary mourning period for that situation. Etiquette books that discussed mourning only gave advice for those who'd had a death in the family, whether a child, spouse, sibling, parent, grandparent, or more distance relation. Frequently, deaths outside the family aren't even mentioned as something to consider changing one's wardrobe for (except for attending the funeral, of course). However, there's always a tension between prescriptive conduct literature and actual conduct, so many of these books will mention that people aren't following the rules, and some make reference to people wearing mourning for friends, so it was certainly possible for people to do so. Your character might be judged for it, though (and potentially drag his fiancée's character into question). Likewise, there was no standard for how long he needed to wait to start a new courtship, but somebody might judge him if they think he's moving on too quickly, which is really the same thing that might happen today.
I have a previous answer discussing more details about mourning traditions, which might be of interest.
How, if at all, strange would it seem for the man to swear off all romance after this, fearing that the same thing would happen to them, and hold to that completely for the next seven/eight years?
That would seem extremely dramatic to most people around that time. A few might find it romantic, but your character would probably have to deal with well-meaning friends and relations trying to get him back in the game quite a bit.
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