I recently was afforded the opportunity to watch a picture called U-571, and was gutted by this film, if you can call it as much. It, to be quite frank, was an affront to us real sailors who actually took part. Where do I even begin?

The story loosely, AND I DO MEAN LOOSELY IN THE MOST EXTREME SENSE, follows a top secret mission now known as "Operation Primrose", which involved lifting a Jerry U-Boat for its encryption code. I knew things were bad right from the start, my first clue was the name of the U-Boat itself- the U-571. The ACTUAL name was the U-110, but that is only the begining. Jonathan Mostow, the director of this pathetic excuse for a film, had the AUDACITY, the... the GALL to have the AMERICANS running the show! THE BLOODY YANKS WERENT EVEN IN THE BLOODY WAR! Operation Primrose went down on MAY 9TH of 1941! The Yanks didn't bother to JOIN the war till DECEMBER of that year! DECEMBER! The bloody POLES did more for the entire operation! Yet here we are. The wayward colonies leading the way, saving the world once again. They've had some "hero" complex ever since the 18th century, I tell you.

Next, these they went about the whole operation wrong. They picture these "heroic" Americans going undercover as a bunch of German Kriegsmarine, posing as the crew of another U-Boat dropping off the bloody mail. Thats not what happened. We depth charged the blighters from two very BRITISH destroyers, the HMS Bulldog and HMS Broadway. Once we forced it to surface, the jerry in charge of the U-boat thought we would RAM the thing, so he ordered an evacuation, and we boarded the thing before he realized his mistake and tried swimming back to scuttle it himself. We totally didn't shoot him before he got there. Nope. Drowned for sure, no matter what those other germans said. That would be a crime.

Speaking of crimes, towards the beginning of the movie the German sailors are seen machinegunning helpless survivors in a lifeboat, when in fact U-Boat crews were known for providing food and water for those adrift at sea up until Donitz ordered such action to stop AFTER AMERICANS BOMBED GERMAN SUBMARINES FLYING RED CROSS FLAGS WHILE ACTIVELY GIVING AID TO WOMEN AND CHILDREN WHO HAD FOUND THEMSELVES WITHOUT LIFEBOATS. WAY TO RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE.

The film shows these brave "sailors" taking part in a daring cat and mouse chase between other U-boats, with a ridiculously climatic showdown between the captured U-boat and a destroyer. this is wrong on two parts.

FIRST, only ONCE in the WHOLE WAR did one submarine sink another while both were underwater, ALSO BY BRITISH SAILORS.

SECONDLY, Jerry destroyers never went that far out to sea, or at least rarely did. Not to mention, HOW MANY DEPTH CHARGES DID THAT THING HAVE?! There is no way a destroyer would have had that many. Unbelievable. The U-boat is damaged beyond repair and sinks, the survivors boarding a liferaft with all the secret documents and enigma machine itself, before being rescued and probably going on to win the whole bloody war if the Yanks were to tell that part too.

In reality, after the capture of U-110, we simply collected the prisoners from the pond like drowned rats and tried to tow the blasted thing all the way back home. It sunk on the way, but everything we took off her helped us to crack the code and turning around the war at sea.

A terrible film, even if it did feature Bon Jovi. I do not recommend this rubbish at all.

Instead of watching this absolute war crime of a film, watch something better, like A Bridge Too Far, Bridge Over River Kwai, Zulu, or some other proper British military film. Longest Day is another well worth the watch.

Just stay away from this. It deserves to be keeled and hauled and forgotten at the bottom of the sea.