Ah yes, time to talk about the romanization of the three kingdoms via the famed novel Romance of the... oh wrong romance. I'll talk about two famous novel romances (vs it's history) and then one from history.

The novel has two of the most famous romances of the era, influenced by tales that had come before it

1. The great warrior Lu Bu with the beautiful handmaiden Diao Chan. All part of a plot that leads to the split between Lu Bu and his tyrant overlord Dong Zhuo as she is arranged to both men by the Han minister Wang Yun, for whom she is a grateful servant. Dong Zhou is greedy and ill-tempered, Lu Bu is a man who would prove weak when it comes to women (one of his novel crimes is listening to his wife over his adviser Chen Gong), Diao Chan is a beauty to destroy an empire. The corpulent tyrant takes her to his bed, growing suspicious of Lu Bu's loving glances, she swears to him she is being harassed by Lu Bu. She shows love to Lu Bu with glances and has a private meeting in a garden (a rather lovely passage in chapter eight), wishing nothing more to be his, humiliated by being with Dong Zhuo, even threatening suicide and insulting his pride over being under the dominion of another when Lu Bu is relucent to free her.

After the plot succeeds with Lu Bu slaying his step-father, she is sidelined as a concubine with little mention of her, bar a role in persuading Lu Bu not to follow Chen Gong's advice to leave his last city and raid the opposing lines. She vanishes when Lu Bu is executed so folklore and plays came up with various endings for her. Perhaps most famously, the honourable warrior Guan Yu executes her before her beauty can tear the bond with his brothers.

2. The kindly warlord Liu Bei is to be lured into a trap by rival warlord Sun Quan and jealous Zhou Yu via the offer of marriage to Quan's sister, a fierce woman. Thanks to her loyal help and the superior mind of Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei escapes the traps laid, she reforms her wild ways like not having armed sword maidens in her rooms and they have a happy marriage. Till Sun Quan, angry at Liu Bei's expansions and wishing the province of Jing for his own, tricks her to return by claiming her mother (who kiboshes the plan to militarily seize Jing) is ill so she will bring the young heir Liu Shan to visit. She does so, Liu Bei's generals Zhao Yun and Zhang Fei intercept the fleet escorting her, there is considerable violence with the careful Zhao Yun snatching Liu Shan from her loving arms. They persuade her to not take Liu Shan but she threatens suicide if not allowed to go to see her mother so she is let free, she would never return.

Later her husband (not for her, to avenge Guan Yu) would war with her brother and the husband would be defeated heavily, rumours would claim he died in the battle and so she leapt into a river to drown in despair. She gets a poem.

The historical basis for these grand romances and ploys? Diao Chan is a fictional being who had appeared in works like the "Records of the Three Kingdoms in Plain Language" though with some differences. In the older tale, she is already with Lu Bu but separated by chaos in Liang, a drunk Dong Zhuo is slain in his bed, becomes a chief lady of Lu Bu who he spends time with and neglects war with Cao Cao to be with her. Historically, Lu Bu, who was a notorious womaniser, did have an affair with an unnamed hand-maiden of Dong Zhuo when he was supposed to be guarding the chambers, he was worried Dong Zhuo would discover this and grew uneasy. Along with other issues leading to a divide (apparently throwing weapons at your bodyguard is not a good survival strategy), Lu Bu would join the plot of Wang Yun to kill Dong Zhuo.

Lady Sun was real and she did marry Liu Bei (though as a marriage alliance, not a trap), it was a disaster from the glimpses we get. With quick wit, of warrior spirit with armed maidens that she did not give up, Liu Bei feared going to her chambers and the damage she could do, even fearing a coup. In 211 CE, Sun Quan did recall her and seemingly on her initiative, she took a young Liu Shan (born in 207) with her only for Shu-Han generals to block that attempt for a hostage, it is unknown what happened to her when she was back with her family (I seriously doubt she died over any rumours of her husband being killed in battle). Poor Shu records for when she was in Shu and that she was never made an Empress so doesn't get her biography means we only get glimpses of figures like her and her nieces Luban and Luyu who were political players in the kingdom of Wu.

In three kingdoms history, we get only glimpses into any marriage (often from the male perspective) and the treatment of females, in histography or at the time was... not great. When one of the moments I find most sweet involving a married couple is when a lady forces a divorce and the meeting, in her home, where he accepts it... perhaps says something about the era and romance. Some marriages do have a feel of a partnership from the glimpses we get, there were affairs but little other than they had an affair (and in one case, the affair was with a ghost), a case of "don't make love if warned not to by the doctor" and we do get moments of mourning.

The Wei philosopher Xun Can (Howard Goodman estimates the lifespan of around 207/208 to 236/237 CE) was of a prominent clan, the sixth son of Xun Yu who had a key minister in the rise of the warlord )though had died shortly after a split over the issue of Han loyalty vs Cao Cao loyalty). Can was a man who took care of who he befriended, part of the new generation of Daoists who were coming through in a time of intellectual brilliance but which unsettled the old guard. Xun Can was also... a bit of a provocative figure, even among his own family, but his early death and lack of career means the focus has often been on his romance.

Xun Can argued that talent was less important in a woman than beauty (like I said... a bit provocative and Mather believes it is a parody of the Analects). He arranged a marriage with the beautiful daughter of Cao Hong, a brave general who had helped his cousin Cao Cao rise but also a miser with his troops poorly disciplined. Alas, we know very little about Lady Cao, only of the men in her life. Xun Can doted on his wife, buying beautiful clothes for her and he spent a lot of his time in her chambers. After several years, she died.

Xun Can became depressed and before the funeral, his old friend Fu Gu tried to comfort him that someone with beauty and ability might be difficult to replace but someone of just looks could be found. Xun Can replied (Richard B.Mather translation)

Such a fine person would be difficult ever to find again. When I think back about the departed, though she couldn't be said to posses the unique beauty of an "overthrower of cities", still it isn't easy to expirence her loss and my pain and sorry can know no end.

Xun Can would not recover, mourning for a year before dying at the age of 29. Only a few friends and those passing by mourned, his family seemingly not coming, while his reputation in the time ahead seems to have taken a hit for his devotion to his wife and lack of restraint.

A story came around of this relationship and its tragic end, recorded in a series of tales in the A New Account of Tales of the World that appeared by the 5th century. In the chapter Delusion and Infatuation: She became ill with a fever during the winter. In a bid to bring her fever down, during the winter evenings Xun Can went to the courtyard until he became cold then went back inside, holding his cold body against hers. It didn't work and his death shortly after (perhaps the winter chills not helping) led to criticism.