It is I - the one, the only, the incomparable Jeane Dixon, renowned psychic, author and close confidante of the 40th President of the United States, Nancy Reagan. I've written multiple best-selling books, including an autobiography, a cookbook and of course my magnum opus, 'Horoscopes for Dogs'. I also predicted that the apocalypse would start in 2020 - but we can't be right about everything, I suppose*.*
Do you doubt my prowess in parsing the future? Do you require proof of my bona fides? Ah, what sad, closed minds you must have (not like Nancy). Fine then - I predict that you, dear reader, are about to spend a small amount of time reading text on the internet!
This prediction is much more impressive when you consider that I don't even really know what the internet is.
There seem to be many guests on these forums today, but they are all hacks, I assure you. For they purport to tell you only of the dingy, dreary past, like the temporally-challenged buffoons they all are. I, on the other hand, hold the keys to THE FUTURE. Ask me anything about what the future holds in store for you, your family, the world and any given president or pope of your choice!
We desire to know of you, astrologer, when will be the best time to invade France and claim my rightful crown?
Will I ever find true love or my kid that's really good at hide and seek?
When will I get that really sweet job and/or love interest I have been wishing for? Super important.
Perchance say I have a chicken, a road, and an egg. Would any of these ever cross any of the other, and could any be said to come before the other in the set? This is an urgent question.
How much money do charlatans make these days?
What is the question to life, the universe, and everything?
Obviously the world didn't end in 2020! Clairvoyance is an imperfect science. So roundabouts when can we expect the world to end and how will it end?
I require a prediction of the future of Rwanda, it is in my best interests to prepare ahead.
A test dear fraud friend - this Sunday is the Glasgow derby. I loathe both teams but I can make a lot of money on a correct prediction of the result. What should I put my £100 on?
Are we, as some dirty hippies have claimed, in the Age of Aquarius? If not, what astrological age are we in? What are the implications of this age?
What do you think of Nancy's marriage? Is Ronnie a sure thing?
Did you ever take a class on statistics?
How will I die?
What would you recommend as an introduction to astrology?
Who will be the president of the US in 2025?
The guy down the street says he is the messiah. Is he?
Since you seem to know a lot about stars, is there any alien life out there? Will we ever actually come into contact with them?
How old will George RR Martin be when he finishes the ASOISF books he has promised? I assume that he will not be allowed to slip this mortal coil until he fulfills that solemn duty. Is he going to live to 150?
will I ever be happy?
At what point will my Duchy be profitable?
Given your proximity to the halls of power, how is the current global power shift going to end?
Jeans what will happen to Donald Trump?
One of the greatest problem one who has been burdened with true sight into future events must face is when those who seek only to gain by tearing others down wish to criticize events that appear to not have occurred as was originally predicted. How have you been able to deal with those who fail to understand that your future knowledge is an imprecise matter with much interpretation behind it?
How many lotteries and sport bets have you won?
Will I live past 26 and thrive in life?