I am Henry, by the grace of God, King of England, Duke of Normandy and Aquitaine, Count of Anjou and Maine. Son of Empress Matilda, and Geoffrey Plantagenet, Count of Anjou.
In light of my connection with the murder of Archbishop Thomas Becket, my former chancellor and friend, and the recent rebellion of my sons, with the aid of the King of the Franks, I have been advised to allow my subjects this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to ask me anything.
At present, my amanuensis is managing the most important business of the realm, and may only be able to answer inquiries as their other duties allow.
Edit: My amanuensis is overwhelmed with petitioners at the moment but has seen all of your questions and will be taking my dictation when time allows.
Edit 2: Having just received word of the defeat of William, King of Scots at Alnwick, I must now excuse myself to begin negotiations with the rebels. Clearly Thomas has forgiven me.
Thanks for joining us Henry! Really nice to have this chat. So I'll lead us off with the big one.
What was your plan there Henry? Like Becket gets murdered, how did you think that was going to shake out?
Great-grandson, did your mother never teach you about poison? It's a much more discrete way to remove obstacles.
What do you think about Henry VIII (no relation) having Thomas More executed? Is it true he only did it to confuse history students?
Good to hear from you again, sire. As you may recall, we spoke some two years ago when you asked if you were to blame for a fallout with the priest, your wife, and your son.
I am saddened to hear that relations between you and your son Richard, who is my dear friend, have soured. I want you to know that I was never disloyal to you, and I followed him only in order to advise him to seek reconciliation (and also because I needed a buddy to practice archery with). I have come to tell you that Richard is finally willing to take my advice and reconcile, and ask if you will give your son the kiss of peace when he returns. If it helps my case, I have found a pious young man raised in a monastery, by the name of Tuck, who says that God would wish you and Richard to reconcile.
Your subject,
Sir Robin, Heir apparent to the Earl of Locksley
P.S. Your youngest is still following Richard and I around when we're trying to get archery practice in, though he is not skilled with the bow and runs about the field heedless of his own safety. He has also developed a greedy streak and will not listen to my advice or that of any of the nobles. I will bring you several gifts of thanks if you would tell him to stop being such an annoying pest.
What is something about the murder of Archbishop Thomas Becket that you've never revealed before today?
Why do you think that a mantle so curt is going to catch on? It's not going to catch on, Henry. No one wants to see your hairy legs.
Did your mum prefer Matilda or Maud?
Which is a better basis for Supreme executive power: the mandate of the masses or an aquatic ceremony?
Also, when you said “won’t no one rid me of this turbulent priest” were you thinking murder or something more like an involuntary permanent vacation to someplace like France?
Would you say that this whole business with the archbishops is just a distraction? Shouldn't you be trying to conquer France or something? Idk it all just feels like such a tempest in a teapot to me.
Why did your sons keep going to war with you?
Have considered family therapy, Your Majesty? Or maybe just a mediator for you and Eleanor of Aquitaine?
How does one get a crown fitted? I am definitely eyeing a throne of my own for God has been whispering that I belong on one, I have many tiaras but no proper crowns. I wish to know the process to make sure the heavy crown doesn't leave any lasting marks.
How come you didn't side with Pope Callixtus The Emperor's Pope and avoid the trouble with Alexander III?
Did you really like John the best? If so, why?
Why the fuck couldn't you stay out of Ireland?
Does the term “The Anarchy” mean anything to you? It is the term we use to refer to the Nineteen Years’ Winter. Was Stephen of Blois not your rightful predecessor according to the terms of Wallingford? Why do you then dishonor his memory so?
Have you seen The Lion in Winter? Any thoughts?
Why do your sons hate you?
I much prefer Henry I.
Which of your territories matters the most to you?
who was hotter, wifey or rosamund?